


Lovely, Bitter Water

by Geronimo23



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Eventual Romance, F/M, Gaang (Avatar), Grief/Mourning, Headcanon, Tokka - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-03-30 21:01:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19035526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geronimo23/pseuds/Geronimo23
Summary: Twenty years after the war, Toph finds herself on the cusp of a major life change, but she's not the only one. Sokka and Toph's relationship has withstood every trial they've been dealt so far. Will the same always ring true for two of the truest friends in the world?(aka, my Tokka headcanon for the era between ATLA and LOK.)





	1. The Beginning of the End is the Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> I got the title of the piece from a song by The Oh Hellos. When I first listened to the song, the title made me think of the episode "Bitter Work" in which (imo) Toph's philosophies on life are really fleshed out. Add the fact that Sokka is from the water tribe, and the piece ended up naming itself. Plus, if you listen to the song and read the lyrics, I can imagine my headcanon Toph having those thoughts by the end of this story.
> 
> Of course, the chapter title is also almost a song title, but I think that it mostly just describes what's going on, storywise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter won't seem much like a Tokka fanfic. It is a slow burn, but it is on its way I promise! I needed to set it up for the rest of my plot to unfold.

Toph stepped out of the office onto the sidewalk, her stomach in knots. She turned to her left and started down the street to the bay. She was grateful that the doctor wasn’t too far from the ferry docks because it was the only place she could think to go. She had been feeling sick for the past few weeks, and she was hoping it was merely a persistent bug. Unfortunately, of course, Dr. Wong had confirmed her greatest fear: she was pregnant.

What was she going to do? She and Kanto had known each other for, oh, twenty years now, but they’d only been officially dating for a couple of months. They were nowhere near ready to consider starting a family together. Hell, he’d only stopped referring to himself as “The Duke” in the past year or so, and when she wasn’t spending fourteen-hour days down at the station or on patrol, she was usually hitting the gym and sparring with her officers. Her lifestyle was still fast-paced and chaotic. She had grown up enough that she attended the weekly quiet dinners with the team out on Air Temple Island without becoming restless. She could stand spending quality time with her “family” without the impatience of her youth. Still, she always found a way to cause mischief with her young pseudo-nephew, Bumi, just for the sake of getting under Aang’s skin. No, neither she nor her boyfriend was mature enough to raise a child.

Then again, they weren’t exactly kids any more. She would be thirty-two around the time this baby was due. Kanto might be a few years younger, but even still, he was in his late twenties now. She’d always figured she would have kids someday, but there never seemed to be a right time or a right guy. She’d started to think that maybe there never would be. Maybe this was the kick in the butt she needed. Fate was telling her that it was time to settle down and do the things she had always set aside for some equivocal future. But what did she know about fate, anyways?

Next to nothing, really. However, she did know someone who in fact knew an awful lot about fate, and destiny, and all that garbage. In fact, he and his wife had just welcomed their third child into the world earlier this week and would probably consider her visit overdue. There was no better excuse to make a house call than to officially meet the world’s first airbender born in over a hundred years.

“Good afternoon, Chief Beifong. Off to visit the newest addition?” The ferry worker opened the gate for her, reaching out his hand for her to take. He led her down the wooden dock to the ramp, and up onto the ship. Luckily, she had convinced Aang and Zuko to recycle some of the old Fire Nation war ships into ferries for Republic City, so she could at least see something while standing on their metal decks. Her friends had been reluctant to grant this request at first, thinking that old warships maybe weren’t the best image for a city founded on peace and unity, but they finally agreed once she offered her services, and those of her metalbending students, to make the hulls a little less…pointy. She had even requisitioned a small ship for her and the rest of the gang to use as a personal ferry for important “official” business only, which most often translated to her and Sokka traveling to and from the island for family visits. Sometimes Suki would join them, but she was often busy with the other Kyoshi Warriors, guarding important heads-of-state, both within the city and as they traveled around the world to continue repairing the diplomatic damage from the war.

“Yes, Po. Thank you,” she slipped a golden coin into the man’s palm. He bowed to her, making a small noise of gratitude, before he took his place at the helm. She was, on the one hand, very excited to meet the newest member of the Avatar’s brood. They were her family, after all. When Aang and Katara started having kids, Toph wasn’t sure how she felt about children, but the first time she ever held Bumi in her arms, she fell in love.

On the other hand, she couldn’t help thinking about how much Katara had given up to raise their children. They used to travel the world together on Aang’s Avatar business, but decided, once Bumi was born, that it was best for her to settle down on Air Temple Island. Aang was at home as much as he could be, since the city is where he was most greatly needed anyways, but there were many times that duty called from somewhere across the globe and he had to answer, leaving Katara alone to hold down the fort with one, then two, and now three kids. Toph had always admired the young mother’s strength and patience when she had so much on her plate. It was the reason she was actually hoping to see Katara before she spoke to Aang about her new predicament.

Po helped her from the ship to the shore, then turned back to the mainland on her command as she trekked up the hill to the front door of the temple. She knew that she was going to be here for a while and didn’t want him waiting for her. She took a deep breath before gently rapping at the door, hoping she wouldn’t wake the baby.

A very tired Katara opened the door, much to Toph’s relief. She had her new infant snuggled into the crook of her arm. She greeted the visitor with a smile on her face and in her voice. “Toph, what a pleasant surprise. Please, come in.”

Toph couldn’t help but smile back, leaning in for a hug as she stepped across the threshold. “It’s good to see you, Mrs. Mom. How are you holding up?”

“Oh, you know,” Katara laughed quietly, “Tired. The baby being up every hour to feed is bad enough, but the two other kids are having a harder time adjusting than we expected, especially Kya. Aang is over the moon to have another air bender to teach, but of course he exhausts himself in the process of trying to take care of me and the baby and the other kids…” she led the way into the living room and sunk into the couch.

Toph concentrated for a moment, sensing the rooms around her. The Avatar was nowhere in the immediate vicinity. “Oh yeah, where is ol’ Twinkletoes?” she asked as she sat down beside her friend.

The mother gestured down the hallway with a nod as she adjusted the blankets around her bundle. “Asleep. We finally got everyone down for a nap about an hour ago, ourselves included,” she smiled down at her baby as he cooed. “Of course, this one just woke up for a snack. I tried to get him away from the bedrooms so that maybe he wouldn’t wake his siblings.” She chuckled softly to herself before adding, “He’s got airbender lungs, too.”

Toph tried to suppress her usually raucous laughter, resulting in a half snorting, choking sound. “Wow, it really sounds like you’re living the dream here,” Toph said sarcastically, stretching her arms behind her head.

“Honestly Toph, I am.” Her voice was tender, genuine. It was clear that no matter how exhausted Katara was or how difficult her home life was as the Avatar’s wife, she wouldn’t trade it for the world. “We actually finished feeding just before you knocked. Would you like to hold him?”

Toph couldn’t help but grin. “I thought you’d never ask,” she adjusted her arms, ready to receive the swaddled mass. “You still haven’t told me his name.”

“We’ve decided to name him Tenzin,” Katara said as she handed the baby over. “It’s a traditional airbender name.”

“Hello, little Tenzin,” Toph ran her fingertips over his face and hands, sensing all his miniature features. A tuft of hair on his otherwise round little head, a small button nose, ten tiny fingers. “My name is Toph Beifong, and there are two things you should know about me: first, I am the greatest earthbender in the world.” She heard Katara giggle beside her. “Second, you are my family now, and I love you very much.” Suddenly, she felt tears well up in her eyes. She hoped the fringe of her bangs was enough to cover them as they began to fall down her cheeks, but she knew that soon enough, Katara would notice.

Toph was right: Katara noticed immediately. Knowing the brash earthbender was not one for sappy sentimental displays, she immediately began to worry. “Toph, what’s wrong? Are you ok--?” Something clicked. She didn’t know if it was in the way Toph looked while holding Tenzin, or if it was the timing of the tears, or if it was just that she’d always had an intuition about these things as a healer, but she immediately knew what was wrong. “Oh, Toph. You’re…pregnant, aren’t you?”

Toph coughed as she let out a weak laugh. “How do you do that, Sweetness? How do you just _know_ about these things?”

Katara asked the obligatory questions: _Is it Kanto’s?_ Yes. _Does he know?_ Not yet, I just found out for sure. _When are you going to tell him?_ I don’t know. As soon as possible, I guess. _Do you think you’re ready for this?_ Do I really have a choice at this point?

They talked for another hour or so, about the pregnancy and otherwise, until eventually Aang stumbled into the room. They hushed their conversation, but he was so groggy from his nap, he didn’t notice the sudden silence. “Ahh, Chief Beifong. I was hoping we’d see you sooner rather than later.”

“Yeah well,” she retorted, “I figured with all the adjusting to one more person in your home, maybe you would want to wait a few days before another one showed up.”

Aang walked over and swooped his newborn son out of the blind woman’s arms. “He’s a very small person, and it’s not like you take up that much space yourself.” Ever since Aang hit his major growth spurt at seventeen, he liked to pick on Toph for her size. She had barely grown to be six inches taller than when they first met, before she stopped growing altogether. He was nearly a foot taller than her at this point. She was always annoyed by his teasing, but he often mollified her by reminding her that she was still tougher than he was.

“Yeah, well, I’m about to take up a lot more space for a while…” she muttered under her breath but still loud enough for him to hear. He furrowed his brow in confusion as he looked to his wife.

“You’re going to have to spell it out for him, I’m afraid,” she nudged Toph.

The blind woman turned to face in the general direction of the Avatar. “I’m pregnant,” she said aloud, for the first time since she left the doctor’s office. It wasn’t a question any more, and it didn’t make her quite so queasy this time.

“Oh,” he said. There was a pause that was just long enough to be awkward. “So…what do you think? Is this a good thing?” His tone was honest and not mocking. He genuinely wanted to know how Toph felt about the situation.

Somehow, him asking the question made it all come into focus. She barely had to think before she decided, “Yeah, I think it is. A little overwhelming, but yeah…good.”

“Good,” the warmth in his voice only further reassured her. “Then, congratulations!”

They had mere moments of joy before Sokka burst through the front door, wild and out of breath. “Aang! Where’s Appa? We need to go now!”

Aang swept to his brother-in-law’s side, handing the baby over to his wife. “Woah, Sokka, slow down. What’s going on?”

“No time for slow! Kuei…Zuko…Suki…explosions!” he was gasping for breath between words as he was trying frantically to pull Aang out of the house. The air was sucked out of the room. King Kuei had travelled to the Earth Kingdom embassy on the Fire Nation peninsula today in order to plan out next year’s twentieth anniversary celebration of the end of the war. At the ten-year anniversary, they had decided to keep the celebration in Republic City, as tensions were still high in the Fire Nation. Things had been stable enough in the past five years or so, though, and they had hoped to finally hold a celebration in the Fire Nation Capitol. There had been a sort of stigma about traveling to the Fire Nation since the end of the war, and Zuko wanted to promote a more open border. Suki and some of the other Kyoshi Warriors had gone to the embassy as guards to both rulers. Even though things had been quiet for a while, the Fire Lord was especially cautious about meetings with other dignitaries within his nation. Obviously, this was for good reason.

“Is everyone okay?” Toph stood. She felt the sudden urge to jump into action at the sound of her friends in danger, pregnancy be damned.

“I don’t know, but Ty Lee radioed me on Suki’s personal radio. She sounded like she was really freaked out when she asked for backup, so I’m worried,” he said. “We need to hurry. They need us.”

Aang nodded, “Of course. Katara,” he turned to the exhausted mother with a look of disappointment. “I’m sorry. I have to—” 

She waved him off. “Go save the Earth King, our sister, and one of our best friends,” she was resolute. She would do the same thing in his position, in a heartbeat. If it weren’t for her children, she would be headed there with him now.

He turned to the other young woman, though she couldn’t see the gesture. “Toph, I need you to look after the city for me. Keep it running smoothly while I’m gone.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know the drill,” she tried her best to mimic her usual lazy nonchalance. She was often put in charge of maintaining the city when Aang left on emergency Avatar business. Usually it made her feel a sense of pride that he trusted her with the power. Today, she felt helpless that she couldn’t go and help her friends.

With that, the men took off, leaving the two nervous women behind with three young children in the still-young city. After a few moments of tense silence, Toph had to voice the uneasiness in the pit of her stomach: “I have a really bad feeling about this, Katara.”


	2. How to Save a Life

As she approached the house, she thought about these past six months. She hadn’t seen Sokka since the funeral. Nobody really had, save for the few times Katara and Aang went over and could get him to open the door. Toph had been going through her own issues, and she had been trying to ignore his increasingly worrisome behavior to focus on her own health.

Suki’s death had hit them all pretty hard, but none harder than Sokka. He was devastated, of course. The love of his life had been a casualty in a malicious plot on the Fire Lord’s life. It had almost been a successful assassination, too. Had Zuko not been in the palanquin, he would have certainly been dead. He was banged up badly enough as it was; the blast had thrown him forty feet through the air. When the Fire Nation physicians had him stabilized, they shipped him back to Katara on Appa’s back with Sokka and Aang for extensive healing, figuring it was his best bet at survival. Suki had been in front of the palanquin, where the blast had detonated. The whole situation was too much for Toph to bear. She had decided to focus on being a good mother by taking care of herself, so she bowed out of the scene for a while.

Sokka had withdrawn from everyone, as well. He began to resent Zuko’s recovery, knowing that the bombs meant for the Fire Lord had killed his wife instantly. She would never have the chance to recover. They would never have the chance to grow old together. He knew rationally that he shouldn’t blame Zuko, but his pain made it so he had to blame someone, and since they never caught the people who planted the blasting jelly, Zuko was the next closest target of his pain. This misplaced anger radiated outward into all of his close relationships, and soon enough, he’d alienated himself from everyone who loved him.

Toph had never been good with grief either, and tried dealing with it on her own. This, coupled with the stresses of an unplanned pregnancy, had put a major strain on her relationship. Kanto seemed almost excited at first when Toph had told him she was expecting, and said he would help her raise the baby. He was true to his word, at first. He was by her side until she was about six months along, when one night they had a blowout fight in which he admitted he never really wanted to be a father. She had been hurt by what he said and went to bed early. When she woke up the next morning, she found a piece of paper on the empty pillow next to her. She brought it to Katara, who read the note aloud and discovered that it said Toph, I am so sorry. I hope you forgive me one day. The Duke. Toph burst into tears initially, but started laughing when she thought about how she had been planning to raise a child with a man who forgot that she, his blind girlfriend, could not read his sorry excuse for a goodbye note. Signing it with his Freedom Fighter pseudonym, which he’d abandoned in the hopes of ‘becoming more adult,’ was just an extra kick in the gut.

That was a month and a half ago. Toph had been keeping to herself, getting her desk in order for the year of maternity leave she was about to undergo. She’d been confined to desk work for the past three months and was set to officially go on leave later this week. She wasn’t thrilled about stepping away from her job for that long, but being a single mother didn’t leave her much of a choice. She was going to take every second of time she possibly could until she figured something out.

She did stay in touch with the Aang and Katara fairly regularly, if for no reason other than Katara demanding to be kept up to date on her pregnancy. She can’t say she hated it. Having someone experienced to talk to was a benefit, and it was especially important for her to have someone to turn to when Kanto left.

The downside of this was that Katara had been begging her daily to check on Sokka. He had stopped answering the door for her and Aang, wouldn’t respond to their radio calls, wouldn’t return a letter in the mail. At first, Toph had refused to get involved, determined that Sokka needed space and would come back to the world of the living when he was ready. Yet now, even she was beginning to get concerned. He had taken a leave of absence from the city council for an undetermined amount of time after the funeral, then vanished from public life completely. Other council members were beginning to think he was never going to return, and there was talk about an election to fill his position. She figured there was no way Sokka hadn’t heard about it, but still, he had made no moves to communicate his intentions for the future. She felt that this was troublesome enough and finally decided to pay him a visit.

She would like to think that she had marched up to his door and pounded on it forcefully, the way she did as the chief of police when she was picking up a perp, but what she actually did was more of a waddle up the walkway and rap on it a few times like an annoyed neighbor. Sokka opened the door with a glare, she was sure by the tension she could feel rolling off his body, but he relaxed when he saw who was before him. Without greeting, he grunted, “Come in.”  She did, and he closed the door behind her. She was glad she couldn’t see house. It was cold and pungent, and she could sense that there was clutter all over the floors. She suppressed the urge to gasp at the abysmal state of his life. Had she known this is what he was doing, she might have come the first time Katara asked. “Please, take a seat,” he said as he walked her over to the sofa. She could tell that all of the furniture was in the same place it had been the last time she visited, before the incident, so not a lot had changed, except that now he had to clean whatever pile of clutter was on the seat by hurling it across the room to make a place for her to sit.

“Gee Sokka, this place is a mess,” she said, trying to sound lighthearted.

He huffed, “I wasn’t exactly expecting company.”

Her emotions were raw from the hormones, but she wanted so badly for this conversation to be productive. “I didn’t come here to fight with you.”

“No, you came because Katara asked you too,” he could hear the loathing in his voice. For his sister? For himself? “You came, you know I’m alive. You can go now.”

“First of all, Katara has been asking me to come see you for _months_ ,” she didn’t bother to keep the edge out of her voice. “I chose to come today because _I’m_ worried about you. _Me_. I feel like that should say something to you, Sokka. And second, do you mind if I just rest for a minute before trekking back across the city? I walked all the way here from my place.” He had once cared so much, about everyone. If she had shown up this pregnant at his house before Suki’s death, he would be doting over her, waiting on her hand and foot like he had his sister through all three of her pregnancies. Toph wasn’t expecting that behavior now necessarily, but maybe just a little bit of courtesy or concern for an old friend.

He cleared his throat and shifted. “Of course.” His voice was softer, maybe a little embarrassed. “How have you been? How far along are you now?”

“Almost eight months,” she said, placing a hand on her swollen stomach.

“Can I get you anything?” he offered.

She smiled at him. “Actually, if you have any tea, I could really use a drink.”

“Of course,” he stood and wandered off in the direction of the kitchen. She took a deep breath and released it, grateful that he at least had let her in and was talking to her. She wasn’t sure if she should consider it progress, but it was something. It was more than anyone had gotten from him in a while.

When he returned, he handed the teacup to her. She took it with both hands and brought it to her lips. Before sipping it, she breathed it in. “Mmm, reminds me of the jasmine tea from Uncle Iroh’s shop in Ba Sing Se. My favorite.”

“That’s because it is,” he replied. “Zuko gave it to Suki as a gift for one of the many times she traveled with him as a bodyguard to the Earth Capitol. It was her favorite, too.” There was an edge in his voice, but it seemed less angry this time. It was simply sad.

Toph reached over to place her cup on the table. He tired to move the clutter off the table before she touched it, but he wasn’t quick enough. She felt the familiar shape of one of Suki’s fans brush the back of her hand. She hesitated, she knew she did, but she tried to pretend like she didn’t notice what it was. If he knew she was bluffing, he made no indication. She took a second to concentrate and see what else she could sense. Much of the clutter on the floor was paper, useless to Toph. She presumed that maybe they were personal mementos, but she couldn’t say for sure if they were related to Suki at all. However, the Kyoshi Warrior’s uniform was hanging limply over the arm of the couch on the end opposite of where Toph was sitting. She could sense the weight of the leather armor where it touched the ground. She wondered how much of this stuff was made up of keepsakes from their relationship, and how long he’d been wallowing in them.

“How are you feeling?” he startled her out of her thoughts. She sighed. “Tired mostly, and a little overwhelmed. Pregnancy has been more brutal than I expected; I do not know how Sugar Queen did this three times. There’s so much to get ready for, and my doctor says I can’t stress myself too much, which just slows me down. I’m excited, but I don’t kn—"

“Well, then maybe,” he interrupted, the bitterness seeping back into his words, “you have more important things to worry about in your life than checking up on me. I mean, you’re supposed to be taking it easy. Does Kanto know you just walked across the city when you should be at home resting? What would he think?”

“No, he doesn’t know, and it wouldn’t much matter what he thinks because he left me!” she hollered at him. _So much for not fighting_ , she thought to herself. But how could she help it? It was in her nature to be confrontational. On top of that, she was already overly emotional these days, and he was definitely trying to be hurtful, even if he didn’t understand the true impact of his words.

Just as she was gearing up for a brawl, his entire demeanor changed. “Left you? Like, he walked out? To do what, exactly?” the amount of concern in his voice almost sounded like the old Sokka.

“I don’t know,” she was caught off guard by his sudden mood swing and was trying not to cry. Damn these hormones. “And I don’t care. He made his decision to go. It’s his loss.” She was still trying to sound tough, but she knew he could hear the hurt in her voice. “But if you run into him, you have to tell me. I’ve got a few words for him.” She gave him a weak grin.

He sat down next to her. “Last I talked to Katara, he was going to help you raise it.”

“Yeah well,” she said, punching him softly in the shoulder, “Last you talked to Katara was two months ago. He hadn’t left yet.”

“Has it really been that long…?” he sounded dumbfounded, distraught.

“You have been shut away in here for a long time,” she said, nodding as she reached out to put her hand on his. “I mean it, Sokka. I’m concerned about you.”

Next thing she knew, she could feel his body shaking beside her. She reached over to touch his face and felt streams of tears running down his cheeks. He pulled her close to him in a crushing hug, all arms and weird angles as he tried not to squish her belly. She began to cry as well, letting the grief she’d been holding back flow out of her. This was one thing about their relationship that had always been special. She hated being vulnerable because of the way it made her feel, but she didn’t mind feeling that way around him. He had always cared for her when she was at her weakest, and she knew that she could trust him with that. And she knew he felt the same way about her.

They sat like that for who knows how long. At one point, she almost thought he’d cried himself to sleep on her shoulder when she felt him pull away a little. He let out a shaky breath. “I miss her, Toph. Every time I think about her, it hurts too much to move.”

“I know, Sokka,” she said, grabbing his hand in hers, gently stroking his palm with her thumb in a soothing, rhythmic fashion. “I miss her, too.” She thought, for a moment, about the last time she had seen her friend. The last time she would ever see the beloved Kyoshi Warrior. It was days before Katara had given birth to Tenzin. Suki had by chance been able to join them for weekly dinner on Air Temple Island, a rare pleasure. Zuko had even stopped by that week, as he did once in a blue moon. He had been visiting Aang in preparation for his meeting with King Kuei. For the first time in over a year, and unbeknownst to them the last time in their lives, their whole team was back together again, and they weren’t even gearing up for a fight. Toph had always treasured those evenings when they could all be together, but she never realized how special that particular night would be. Tears continued streaming down her face as she continued, “And I’ve missed you, which almost hurts more because you’re still here with us. I can visit you, speak to you any time I want, but it doesn’t feel like you’re there anymore.”

He let go of her hand to wipe the tears from her eyes. “I’m sorry. I know I haven’t been there. I understand why you guys are worried. I’m a little worried about myself too, I guess. I’m not trying to hurt you guys. I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore.”

She nodded. “I can’t say I have an answer for you. But I know this isn’t it,” she gestured widely at his disheveled abode. “We need to get you out of here.”

“But—” he tried to argue.

“A few days,” she put a finger to his lips. “You come back with me to Air Temple Island tonight, then you and I will come back here in a few days. We’ll figure out how to sort through all of this together, okay? Just please, come back with me to see your sister.”

“I can’t just leave…” he choked back tears again. He’d barely left the home he shared with his late wife since he’d returned from her funeral. He’d scattered her things all around the house like he was chasing her ghost around from room to room. Toph was sure if she could see it, he’d left a roadmap of his descent into madness.

She reached over to the table again, grabbing the fan. She slipped it into his hand. “Here, take this. Alright? You’re going to take that, and you’re going to keep it with you when we go, but we’re going to Air Temple Island right now, okay?” She was gentle, yet firm with him. He didn’t have a choice this time. She rose to her feet, holding her hand out for him to take again.

He held the small souvenir in his hand, sliding his finger over the smooth handle. Then he rose to meet her, taking her hand in his. “Okay, yeah. Let’s go.”


	3. Happy Birthday!

Toph had never felt so much pain in her life. The doctor had said her petite figure might make labor more difficult, but she had underestimated what that would mean. It felt like being hit in the abdomen with a flying boulder, but from the inside, and much, much slower. It was almost too much to bear.

“Come on, Toph, you’re almost there. Bear down!” Katara was at the foot of her bed, ready to catch the baby. Aang was at her right, helping hold up her leg and trying desperately not to look at anything but the laboring mother’s face. Sokka was at her left holding up her other leg, using his free hand to wipe her forehead with a cool cloth.

“Whaddya think I’m trying to do here, Princess?!” Toph growled. “I don’t know how much more of this I can take!” The contraction passed, and she threw her head back on the pillow, nearly in tears. She’d been laboring for well over ten hours and pushing for almost forty-five minutes at this point. For days prior, she had gotten so big that it was nearly impossible for her to sleep. Her body and mind were exhausted.

Katara motioned for the men to drop her legs for a moment. The healer put her hand on the Toph’s knee. “Alright, take a moment and breathe. You can do this. You are the toughest woman I have ever met, and on your next contraction, you are going to push this baby out.”

Sokka leaned in as he wiped the sweat from her face and neck. “You’re almost there, I promise. Katara is right, on the next go, you’ll be done. Just focus.” He was close enough that she could feel his warm breath on her face, and she was so relieved that he was here for this. He was the only thing keeping her sane.

* * *

After she had gotten him to agree to leave his house for a visit to Air Temple Island, they stayed there for nearly three weeks.

When they first arrived at the door, Katara wasn’t expecting to see him. She started crying, of course, and hugged them both. Then she threw Sokka in a much-needed bath while she began preparing a meal for everyone. Aang asked what Toph had said to make him come with her, but she just shrugged. She wasn’t sure exactly what had done it. She probably just got lucky that day.

The first few days of his stay, Sokka mostly just caught up on sleep and played with his niece and nephews. He had missed a lot of time with them, especially little Tenzin. Being with his family was slowly but surely helping to heal some of his anguish. They were so happy to see him again, so excited to show him things that had changed, and he couldn’t help but be joyful, too. He had also taken to spending a couple of hours a day meditating with Aang. Toph could see how these things were helping him come to terms with his grief.

She had been staying at the temple, too. Her lease was up on her apartment in the city, and seeing as there was no room for a child there, she decided to look for somewhere else to live. She hadn’t had any luck yet, but Katara and Aang had offered her a place in their home until she could figure something out. She was secretly just as glad to be there for Sokka at this time. He needed to know how much love and support he had in his life. Plus, she had to admit, the support was nice for her, too. She was tired all the time and having a bunch of people around to help her when even daily tasks became difficult was a nice gig.

In the second week they were there, Sokka asked her to go with him back to his house to help clean up. He wasn’t ready to go back to stay just yet, but he wanted the place to be in some semblance of order when he finally was. Of course she agreed. He had warned her that most of the stuff he’d strewn around the house had been related to his marriage in some way, as she had suspected, and he mostly wanted her there for moral support so that he didn’t break down again.

They spent that morning cleaning up garbage, laundry, and dishes, and taking care of anything and everything that wasn’t sentimental. When that was done, Sokka picked up Kyoshi Captain’s helmet off the table. He took a minute with it, looking over the smooth gold into his own tearful reflection. This was the moment he’d been dreading. Toph put her hand on his arm, and slowly led him over to the uniform display case. It was where Suki had kept her uniform in the house whenever she was off duty, so that everyone could see it. It had been a focal point of their living room at parties. She had been such a proud warrior and loved to showcase her well-earned attire. Toph thought that this would be the most fitting place to keep them now. Suki would always have a place in Sokka’s life, and it was important for him to remember that. When they had returned her entire uniform to the case, minus one fan, Sokka reached into his belt. With a quick kiss, he returned the second fan to the case and closed the glass door.

By that point, they both needed a break. They went out to lunch, since there was no food in his house. There, they discussed her living predicament. Aang and Katara had offered their home indefinitely, especially where she was about to have a new baby by herself. They figured she could use the help. They made some good points, she had to admit, but ultimately she thought she’d go crazy if she had to figure out being a mother with the learning curve of being blind, all while Sweetness was looming over her shoulder with ‘tips’ at every corner. She also wanted to be able to focus on her own kid for a while, since it was her first go at this after all. She didn’t want the daily cacophony of Bumi, Kya, and the resounding Tenzin to overwhelm her. As much as she loved them, she needed some distance from the Avatar family. Besides, she really loved being able to walk into the city, and not be stranded a ferry ride away. Po was nice, but she wasn’t someone who really liked boats in the first place.

_Why don’t you move in with me?_ He had asked. _I’m not sure I’m ready to be all alone in that house yet. I have an extra room that we only ever used as an office, which should be big enough for you and a baby, for now. At least it will get you away from Air Temple Island._

She had originally thought he was kidding, but he insisted. The more she thought about it, the more it made sense to her, too. He’d give her as much space or as much help as she asked for, she’d still be on the mainland, and she wouldn’t have to worry about going out of her way to keep tabs on him while she was adjusting to motherhood, which was something she had been worried about. She told him she would think about it.

When they got back to the house in the afternoon, they set to sorting through the papers. He tried not to look at them too carefully as he sorted them into piles of photos, letters, important documents, and miscellaneous tidbits. Every so often, he would have to stop to describe a picture to her, or read a letter, or tell the story that went along with one of the crumpled fliers he had saved from one of their trips. Toph wasn’t much help on this project, not being able to read anything, so she mostly just sat and listened to him talk about what he was finding. She laughed at the silly stories and cried when the emotions got to her. _Gosh, she was such a fantastic woman. We are so lucky that we got to know her._ She thought wistfully back on the many times she and Suki had saved each other’s butts over the years. As an elite warrior bodyguard and the world’s first metalbending police chief, both of whom had been major players in ending the war, they had gotten along swimmingly over these past twenty years as they helped build the United Republic of Nations into what it was today. They had been members of the same family, and close friends.

_We really are, Toph. I was lucky enough to call her my wife for fifteen years._ She could hear the tears in his voice as he spoke, but she expected that. He was doing much better than when she had found him two weeks prior. He was coping with the grief now, no longer drowning in it. Still, his words made her heart ache, and she was worried he would end up in that dark place again.

_Sokka?_ She said as they did one last sweep around the house. Everything had been cleaned and put away. _I think it would be a good idea for me to move in with you._

Their last week spent at the temple was actually spent back and forth between the temple and his house, turning the old office into a bedroom that would befit a new mother and her infant. He helped her set up the bed and the crib, set up a diaper changing station on the dresser, and even found her a rocking chair to keep in the corner. He said he decorated the room with cute, cuddly badgermole pictures, too, but she of course couldn’t see them. She trusted him, though, and was glad he was focusing his energy on something positive. When they were finished with all of the renovations, they moved out of the temple.

Over those first few days when it was just them, she secretly felt the flutters of her old crush on him bubble up to the surface, but quickly quashed it. She was letting the hormones get to her again. She hadn’t thought about him that way since she was fifteen. They were two close friends, family even, who were both in a rough place in their lives right now. Of course they were going to support each other through this, and of course she was going to feel extremely grateful to him, but it didn’t mean anything more than what it was on the surface. He was a recent widower for goodness sake. He was not looking to fill that void in his life right now.

Still, she couldn’t help but swoon to herself with every little detail he’d added to make this place a home for her and her baby. He tore up the wood floors in the dining room and the kitchen and placed slate tiles over the dirt so that she could make her way around the entire house more easily. He asked her daily what food she wanted to eat before he left for the market, never balking at her weird craving requests. Even with only two weeks in the house, he’d done the research and gathered the materials they would need for her to deliver at home like she talked about instead of having to go to the temple She barely had to do anything, until she finally went into labor.

* * *

She could feel the next contraction coming. She took a deep breath. “Okay, I’m ready. I can do this. I’m going to do this. I’m going to have this baby.” She was trying to visualize it all.

“That’s the Toph Beifong spirit,” she could hear the smile in his voice as he placed his hand under her left thigh, ready to hold it back in a moment.

“Sokka?” her voice was a little panicked as she felt the pressure starting to build again.

“Yes?” he wiped the hair from her sweat-sticky forehead. She held her hand up.

“Will you please hold my hand?” He reached out and took it, letting her grip his hand as hard as she could. She was sure she might break it, but she couldn’t ease up.

“Keep pushing! There you go!” Katara shouted. Suddenly, there was a burning, and then much less pressure. She heard a small cry. “It’s a girl, Toph! You have a daughter.”

Toph collapsed back into the pillow, utterly drained. “A daughter, huh? Well, she put up quite a fight.”

“Well, yeah. She’s a Beifong,” Sokka joked. Everyone laughed.

Toph adjusted herself in bed as much as she could in her weakened state. “Yeah, she is, so hand her over.” Katara placed a small bundle in her arms. Her daughter was still a little sticky, but she was warm and wiggly in all the ways a baby should be. Toph gently grabbed at the tiny hands and feet, counting all the fingers and toes: perfect tens for both. She touched the little nose and mouth, and ran her hand over the soft peach-fuzz on the top of the head. “Welcome to the world, little one,” she spoke softly to the newborn. “I’m your mommy.”

Soon after that, Katara had shown Toph how to feed, which thankfully turned out to be pretty easy for her. After that, the exhausted new mother had fallen asleep. The doctor had stopped by to check up on the baby and opted to let the mother rest in lieu of examining her. Katara had vowed to stay at Sokka’s place until Toph could get out of bed to move around on her own, so if anything happened, she would be able to remedy the issue right away.

About three hours passed before Toph woke up again. When she did, Sokka was at her bedside. Her feet being off the ground, it took a moment of gripping the metal bedframe for her to realize he was holding her baby. “Well good morning, sleepyhead. How are you feeling?” His voice was hushed and gentle with the baby in his arms.

She groaned as she tried to sit up slowly. “I feel like I’m in an airship, but after it’s crashed.”

He chuckled softly. “Yeah, she really took a toll on you,” he said as he leaned in to hand the baby to her mother. He teased, “I’ve never seen someone come so close to taking you down.”

“Where’s everyone else?” she asked, pulling the child close to her chest. She could feel that she was blushing, and she hoped he didn’t notice.

“Well, once you gave birth, Aang went to fetch the doctor. When he gave us the news that you and baby were doing well, Mr. Dad went back to the temple. They left their kids with the air acolytes, so he wanted to relieve them of their duties as soon as he knew you were through the brunt of it.” There was a devilish sort of smile playing in his voice. “Those kids are a handful, you know.”

She couldn’t help but laugh. “Boy, do I ever. Always up to something.”

“Well, just prepare yourself, because I think he’s going to bring them by to visit tomorrow so they can meet the baby,” he said. She could feel his weight as he leaned his elbow on the edge of her bed. That already sounded exhausting.

She huffed out a breath. “What about Sugar Queen?”

“She’s doing what she does best in the kitchen, which is to say she’s making five times the amount of soup we could ever need,” Toph could practically hear him roll his eyes. “She was afraid you wouldn’t be up to solids yet, but she wants to get some food in you. You worked really hard today.” He could say that again. Her body was still aching all over, and her legs felt all noodley. He changed the subject. “So, what are you going to name her?”

The panic started to set in again. With everything that had been going on in preparation for the baby’s arrival, Toph had neglected to think about that part. “Uh, gee. I haven’t really given it much thought. I guess I expected it to kind of…jump out at me when she got here, but now, I don’t know…” She was mortified. She had no name for her daughter. She had been determined these past few months to be a good mother, but she was pretty sure forgetting to figure out a name for her baby didn’t qualify. Tears started to sting her eyes.

“That’s okay,” he reached over to stroke her hair. “You’ve always liked to pick names that fit people’s personalities. How could you have known until you met her?”

She smiled a little. She thought about the nicknames, both endearing and not, that she had given to all of her friends so many years ago. They were only kids then, taking each unsurmountable task in stride. Twinkletoes, Sweetness, and Meathead had evolved from being a convenient means of escape from her parents’ suffocating supervision, to being her true family in only a matter of weeks. In all these years, that had never changed. Neither had the names.

She heard him sigh next to her. “You know, the one thing that ate me up the most about Suki’s death was that we never had a chance to try for kids.”

“Did you guys ever talk about it?” she asked. He had become more open recently, choosing now to talk about his late wife instead of avoiding any mention of her name, like he had been before. It was a big step in his grieving process, though it still touched raw spots for Toph now and again to talk so openly about their lost friend.

“Oh yeah,” he chuckled, “all the time. We had actually just talked about it before she left for the Fire Nation the last time. She was thinking about retiring in the next year so that we could finally try. Of course, she said that every few years, so I’m not sure it would have ever happened. But boy, would she have loved to be a mom.” She felt him reach over and fuss with the baby’s swaddling. “And she would have loved to be an aunt to this precious little one. I know it probably doesn’t matter much to you, Toph, but she really is beautiful.”

She scoffed, “Of course it matters, Sokka. Just because I can’t see her doesn’t mean no one else can. I want people to think she’s beautiful: it reflects well on my genes.” They both laughed, but a sudden thought popped into her mind that stopped her in her tracks. “You said the doctor came by while I was asleep?” He made an affirmative grunting sound. “Did he check…is she, you know…is she blind like me?” She didn’t want to sound worried, but she couldn’t help it. Being blind wasn’t bad, but she would still feel horrible if she cursed her child to the same kind of struggles that she had faced her whole life.

“No,” he said softly. “He said her eye response looks great. She should be able to see normally.” Toph breathed a sigh of relief. “Not that it would matter much, though. Katara says she’s going to be an earthbender, and you know how dead accurate she is with those predictions.”

Katara had been right about their first child not being a bender the day he was born. Then, when she was still pregnant with her second, she had predicted Kya would be a waterbender. Everyone had told her it was too soon to tell, but she was adamant. When Kya started splashing water in Bumi’s face for fun at eight months, everyone stopped questioning Katara’s sixth sense and just took her predictions as truth. That was how they knew Tenzin was going to be an airbender. Things had been so busy during her pregnancy that Toph didn’t even think to ask, but she was beaming ear to ear at the news.

“Of course my daughter is an earthbender, how could she not be?” she laughed. She lifted the baby closer to her face, placing a small kiss on the soft little forehead. The wee one was cleaner this time and had that special new-baby smell. For the first time, Toph relished in the fact that this was _her_ baby, and she could soak up all the newborn cuddles without ever having to give her back to anyone. The gravity of the situation made her uneasy again. “When you and Suki talked about kids, did you ever talk about names?”

Sokka answered, “A couple of times, yes. Mostly, she already had names picked out for our first child, whether it was a boy or a girl, and wanted to tell me what it would be.” He laughed to himself, remembering how strong-willed his wife had been. When she made up her mind, no one would have been able to change it. He had loved that about her.

“And if you and Suki had had a daughter, what would you have named her?” Toph pressed.

He realized where this was going. He hesitated for a moment, deciding whether or not he would be okay with giving away this piece of his life with Suki. After a few seconds of deliberation, he decided that if his wife were still here to make the decision, there would be no hesitation. “We would have named her Lin.”

Toph thought for a few seconds, stroking the chubby little face of her baby with her thumb. “Lin, huh?” It was a breathy whisper.

“I think it would fit, Toph,” he said quietly. “And I think she would want you to use it.”

Toph nodded, focusing on her baby again. She felt the tears spill over down her cheeks. “Then that’s it, isn’t it? Happy birthday, my little Lin.”


	4. On the Horizon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this one is kind of a bore. This and the next chapter were all going to be one, but it would have been twice the length of anything else so I decided to split them up. Stay tuned, chapter 5 is coming soon.

“You’ll be happy to know the Capitol City Gates just came into view on the horizon.” That’s what Zuko had renamed the Great Gates of Azulon when he refurbished them many years ago, disabling the flaming net. Sokka reached out and put his hand on Toph’s back, trying to comfort her.

She was bent over the railing on the side of the ship, trying not to throw up again. She didn’t used to get seasick even though she’d always hated boats, but ever since Lin was born, even the ferry rides in the bay would make her a little queasy. This two-day journey by ship to the Fire Nation from Republic City had been heinous. She almost missed riding on Appa’s back. “I’ll be happy once we make landfall.”

As much as she longed to be back on solid ground, she was nervous about their arrival. Sokka still hadn’t spoken to Zuko since the funeral. Yet when the Fire Lord and Lady sent invitations to Team Avatar et al., asking everyone to join them for Izumi’s fifth birthday, he had agreed to go tag along. When she’d asked him why he was suddenly so willing to go back to the Fire Nation after avoiding it for nearly a year, he said he was worried she would need his help and was willing to put his own discomfort aside because helping her was more important to him.

Considering he was rocking her baby in one arm and rubbing her back with the other, she had to admit he was right. Aang, Katara, and their children had travelled ahead of them on Appa. However, the flying bison was getting on in years, and it would have put him under a lot of stress to carry the weight of three extra travelers, even when one of them was very small. Aang suggested Toph and the baby ride with Katara and their two youngest while he and Bumi rode with Sokka on a chartered ship, but Toph had suggested that she and Lin could take the ship with Sokka, convincing herself that once she gotten used to the sensation of seafaring, she wouldn’t be sick anymore. That was a foolish thought.

Of course, helping on the boat ride wasn’t even what Sokka had meant. In the past three months since Lin’s birth, he’d been right by her side through every triumph and every failure. Lin was a relatively easy baby, but she had rough days like anyone else. He had stayed up with the young mother through the sleepless night. He’d changed diapers, given baths, and gotten up to check on her daughter when she was too tired to move, even bringing the little one from the crib to her bed for a feeding instead of making her get up and do it herself. He spent so much time helping her parent, there were a few times she’d woken up to find him in the rocking chair or lying at the foot of her bed, asleep.

She had conflicted feelings about it. On the one hand, she was irritated. This was her baby, not his. He wasn’t even the father. She was appreciative of everything he did of course, but at times it felt like he was taking care of her as well. She didn’t like the implication that she couldn’t pull her own weight. It made her feel both a little guilty to have him care for a baby that wasn’t his, and incredibly patronized. On the other hand, she wasn’t sure that she actually could have done it without him. She would never admit it to herself or to anyone else, especially not to him, but there were so many times that motherhood had brought her to her breaking point. Each time, he would talk her down and gently lead her back from the brink. She shuddered to think how she would have handled those moments without him there.

“I think I’m going to ask Zuko if we can commandeer an airship for the ride home. Even if it makes you just as sick, we’ll at least get there faster,” he said, still rubbing small circles on her back.

That sentiment was surprising enough to distract her from the nausea. “Is that going to be the first thing you say to him, after all this time you’ve spent blatantly ignoring him?”

He dropped his arm. “That…probably isn’t very polite, no,” he said. He sounded far away, and her concerns about this trip started to resurface.

She reached down and took his hand in hers. “Have you thought at all about what you’re going to say to him?”

There was a long pause. “No.”

“You do understand that showing up means that you’re going to have to talk to him, right?” Of all the progress Sokka had made since, this is where he was still hung up. He could not bring himself to face Zuko in any capacity. He wouldn’t even respond to the Fire Lord’s letters. She had worried about this when he originally agreed to go. Even now, moments before reaching the shore, it sounded like he was still having reservations.

He sighed. “Yeah, I do.” He paused again, thinking, then chuckled a little. “A long time ago, I learned that there are some things you just can’t plan. With that mentality, Zuko and I busted my dad and Suki out of the Boiling Rock.” Toph felt mildly better as she remembered their return to the camp after their daring prison break, so many years ago. Somewhere deep down, she knew that if his plan was not to have one, then it was probably the right move.

She felt the ship lurch as it reached the dock. “Well, I guess we’ll have to see what happens. Are you ready?”

His grip on her hand tightened. “Ready or not…”

The ship’s ramp was lowered, and he led her to the dock. Once she could feel herself on a solid structure, she reached out to take Lin from his arms. She had been desperate to hold her for hours now, but because of her sea sickness, Sokka had taken on the brunt of baby care during their voyage. She had been holding her baby the first time she felt the familiar lurch in her stomach, and when she moved to railing in a knee-jerk reaction, she imagined herself accidentally dropping her baby overboard while getting sick. She was so terrified by the thought that she asked him to hold Lin until she could get her sea-legs, which she was never able to.

She had been having a lot of horrific thoughts, lately: thoughts that she would trip on something she didn’t see and land on top of Lin, crushing her; thoughts that she wouldn’t be able to tell how close the baby was to the edge of the bed and she wouldn’t be able to stop her daughter from hitting the slate floor; thoughts that she would check on Lin in the middle of the night and find she'd have already stopped breathing. Still, no matter what terrible damage she kept imagining she was capable of inflicting, she felt that her baby was safest in her care, with Sokka’s being a close second. She kissed the little forehead and smiled when Lin cooed in response, grabbing a lock of her mother’s hair.

When they stepped off the dock and onto the land, Toph took a second to survey the scene around her. They were face to face with the welcoming committee: Aang and Katara were there with their kids, and of course, Zuko and Mai stood there with their daughter at their side to greet their honored guests. She tried to get a reading on everyone’s emotions. There was certainly tension, some elevated heartrates. She tried to be optimistic and decided to read the tone as nervous excitement. She held her baby a little tighter.

Sokka left her side, stepping forward. She felt Zuko step towards them. She held her breath.

“Sokka,” Zuko’s voice was warm, but there was an edge of uneasiness. A bit of sadness. “I’m sor—”

There were few times in her life that she wished she could see like everyone else, but this was one of them. She heard the embrace before she sensed it, but she knew what was happening immediately. She only wished she could see her friends in this moment, see the shared relief on everyone’s faces when they realized their family was going to be okay. She felt a lump in her throat as she blinked back the tears. She snuggled the top of Lin’s head.

“I’m sorry, Zuko. For everything,” his voice was raspy with tears, and muffled against the Fire Lord’s shoulder.

“Nothing to be sorry for,” she could hear that Zuko was crying, too. “It’s good to see you again. Thank you for coming.”

With that, the Fire Lady cleared her throat. “That was very touching, you two,” she affected her signature apathy to lighten the mood. Mai might have seemed morose to some people, but Toph found her quirky sense of humor quite endearing. Though they didn’t spend much time together, she always enjoyed Zuko’s wife’s company. “If you’re quite finished, I think we have more important matters to attend to.” The regal woman, as long and lean as ever, swept over to where Toph was standing. “And how should I welcome this little one on her first visit to my nation?”

Toph smiled as she shifted her daughter to the best position for soaking up the adoration. The Fire Lady might have seemed all gloom and doom, but she had a soft spot for babies that no one would have suspected. Toph made a point of being overly regal in her introduction, having fun with the fact that she was face to face with royalty, even if they had all been friends since they were goofy teenagers. “Fire Lady Mai, it is my pleasure to introduce you to my daughter, Lin Beifong, first of the Beifong lineage to be born as a proud citizen of Republic City.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” Mai reached out to tickle the baby’s stomach. The little girl wriggled and squealed in delight. “Welcome to the Fire Nation, Lin Beifong of Republic City.”

Dinner was elegant, as always with the Fire Nation royals. It was never too extravagant, by their means anyways, but the meals were decadent and served in many courses. The final course, dessert, was dedicated to Izumi for her birthday. It was a delicious chocolate tart with fresh fruits and a sprinkle of cayenne powder. As culture would dictate, even the young crown princess liked her food spicy. They all sang and cheered for her before they dug in.

When dinner was over, Zuko and Mai had palace servants take the children off to a separate room to play so that the parents could catch up and have a break. Toph had tried to protest, but they were adamant that their invitation was as much about the old team getting back together and relaxing as it was their daughter’s birthday. It was almost a year since their group had suffered a major loss, and this was the first time they’d all been together since.

She had to admit it was nice. She hadn’t had a conversation with another adult in a while, at least not one that didn’t get interrupted by a cry or a coo or a tug of the clothing. She had missed her friends, and she was grateful that everyone would finally have a chance to catch up, especially Sokka and Zuko. Still, she couldn’t quell the anxiety she felt being away from her baby. She sat and talked for a little over an hour before she started to become restless. That’s when she heard it.

It was faint and far away, and she was probably the only one who could hear it at first, but Lin was crying. Not just crying, but screaming. She was having another one of her tantrums. Toph and Sokka had run into these tantrums a few times before. They had started one night about a week after the baby was born. There was no rhyme or reason to it, but something obviously upset the little one and she screamed the house down until she tuckered herself out. It had been a rough night for the two guardians, who had no idea how to handle such an inconsolable fit. Luckily, the tantrums were rare, and they’d only encountered a few. Yet she still keenly remembered being at the end of her rope the first few times they happened.

She stood, and realized too late that it was abrupt for everyone else who couldn’t hear what she did. “Sorry, Linny is crying. I’m going to go calm her down.”

“Oh, I’m surprised you heard her all the way from the children’s quarters,” Zuko said. “But don’t worry about it, Toph, the servants will calm her down.”

Just then, Lin’s volume increased. The quiet sound of distant wailing could be heard throughout the room. Toph couldn’t see the Fire Lord’s face flush but smirked at him, knowing he could hear it now, too. “I don’t think they will. I’ll handle it.”

She started off down the hall. She could feel Sokka stand up from his seat as he followed her. “You need any help?”

“No, I should be fine,” she stopped and turned to him. “Just another tantrum. I’ve got these under control at this point. You go, enjoy your time with everyone. You and Zuko especially should be spending time together.”

As she turned to go, he surprised her by pulling her into a suffocating hug. He held her tightly, face buried in her hair. She wasn’t quite sure what to do, so she hugged him back tentatively. She was trying to get a gauge on whether or not he was crying, or what he was feeling that caused this unexpected outburst. Ultimately, he gave her no indication of why he did it, so she just resigned herself to enjoying his affection. He let go a few moments later, and whispered, “Give Lin a kiss for me,” before returning to their friend group as she took off down the hall, a little confused but warm all over.

The ‘children’s quarters,’ which was a pretentious way of saying playroom, was down the hall a good distance. She was pretty impressed that Lin's voice carried that far too, and then felt a sudden pang of regret as she thought about everyone else having to deal with her like this. The shrieking grew louder and more piercing as she neared the door. When she pushed it open, she nearly burst out laughing at the scene unfolding in front of her. There were two servants both trying to shush Lin as she screamed and thrashed, and another servant trying to keep Tenzin calm, as Lin’s outburst was getting the ten-month-old stirred up, as well. The three other children were in the corner with their fingers in their ears, obviously unamused by their predicament of being trapped in a room with two infants.

“Oh, thank goodness!” the servant holding Lin rushed to Toph, placing the baby in her arms. “Chief Beifong, I’m sorry I was not able to calm your daughter. Perhaps she just misses her mother?” Toph couldn’t help but laugh at the familiar sound of panic in the servant’s voice.

“Don’t worry about it, she’s fickle,” she gladly received the wailing, wriggling mass. She took a seat on the couch, laying the baby face up in her lap. “Hey Loudmouth, you wanna maybe give these people a break?” She unwrapped the blanket enough to free her daughter’s chubby little legs and took hold them, a foot in each hand, a thumb on each small sole. She gently rubbed the tiny feet starting in the middle, moving upwards, then along the outside of the foot towards the heel, and back the middle. After a few of these slow, rhythmic circles, a hush fell over the room. She planted a small kiss on the baby’s belly, and one on her nose. She grinned at her daughter, “One from Sokka, and one from me, you little monster.”

The foot massage was a trick she had accidentally learned, in a moment of desperation. About a month ago, Sokka had decided to finally return to his position on the council. Of course, that meant Toph had ended up alone for most of the day for the first time since she gave birth. She had been both excited and anxious to finally get a chance to feel what it meant to actually be a single mother, without anyone around to lend a hand. She was determined that she would figure it out. The first few days had been a piece of cake. Newborns weren’t complicated: eat, sleep, change, repeat. But about a week after Sokka started back at work, Lin had a tantrum.

The crying had lasted for hours, and it was the first time she’d been through this without someone there to pass the baby off to for a few minutes. She had endured all of it to the point of her own collapse. She had resigned herself to sitting in bed, Lin in her lap, crying right along with the little devil until they were both too exhausted to continue. She was running her hands over the baby, trying to see if there was anything she'd missed: was she cold, or wet? Was she hungry? Was there something stuck to her hands or feet that she couldn’t get off by herself? When Toph ran a thumb over the sole of Lin’s foot to see if there were any stray hairs caught on her toes, the baby’s cry shuddered for a moment before continuing. Catching the small hesitation, she’d tried it again, with fantastic results. _Of course my baby just wants someone to pay attention to her feet. She’s an earthbender who rarely has a chance to touch the ground yet, they must need some stimulation._ She’d been thrilled, not only to have stopped the crying in that moment, but to have unlocked a little secret about her baby’s needs. It was the first time she had felt true ownership over the term ‘mother.’

“Well! It’s about time, Auntie Toph!” Bumi stormed over to where she sat with the baby. “I thought Tenzin was loud, but holy hippo-cow, Lin is so much louder!”

“Yeah!” Kya piped up, “Mommy says that Tenzin is so loud because he has big strong airbender lungs. Does this mean Lin’s lungs are stronger than Tenzin’s?”

Toph laughed. “I imagine that Lin is going to be stronger than Tenzin in a lot of ways, just like I’m stronger than your daddy.” There was no argument from them there. Aang often admitted that as an earthbender, Toph was much stronger. Even when fighting Aang in his respective element, she could give him a good run for his money, and he was the Avatar. They were both the most powerful benders alive in their respective elements, and Toph sometimes liked to tease him about how she had _way_ more competition for the title than he did.

“But why was she so upset? What could have caused her to scream like that?” Izumi seemed traumatized. Being an only child, this was probably one of her first experiences with the inescapable wrath of an unsettled baby. As an only child herself, Toph could empathize with the young girl. The first time having to sit through a baby screaming inconsolably for no apparent reason was rough for anyone.

“Babies don’t always have a reason for screaming like that. Sometimes they just feel bad and they don’t know why, and they don’t know how to make it stop.” She reswaddled Lin, who was falling asleep on her lap. “But she’s probably cranky because she’s tired. We had a long trip, and to be honest, I’m tired too.” Toph hadn’t realized how exhausted she felt until she said it, but she immediately realized that she dreaded to return to the conversation with her friends. She just wanted to take her baby and go to bed. “Please tell the Fire Lord and Lady that I’m sorry, but I’m not feeling well and my baby is exhausted. I’m going to turn in for the evening,” she addressed the servant who had been holding Lin earlier.

“Of course, let me show you to your room first,” the girl replied.

The room was down the hall. The palace floors were made of different kinds of stone, so Toph could find her way around easily enough. The room was bigger and more ornate than she was used to, even when living in her parents’ house in Gaoling. She didn’t like how, even here in the warmer climate, this room felt colder than her cozy bedroom back in Republic City. However, they had been very accommodating and set up a bassinet next to her bed so that she didn’t have to cross the expansive room, or worse, go to a different room to care for her baby. She preferred a hands-on approach, especially when it meant she didn’t have to get too far out of bed at night.

She put Lin down in the crib and dressed herself for bed, letting her hair down. Now that she was thinking about her day, she noticed the ache in her stomach muscles from having gotten sick over and over again on the boat. She wondered if Sokka had talked to Zuko about the airship yet. Then, as if he’d heard her thoughts, she felt him arrive at the door a moment before he knocked. She answered immediately.

“Hey, the servant said—whoa, it’s really dark in there,” there was an edge of concern in his voice.

“Uh, yeah. I told her not to light the candles. No point, ya know?” she said. “What did she say?”

“Right, right. You wouldn’t need them, of course,” he said. She smirked at his forgetfulness. “She said you were going to bed early. Is everything alright?”

She nodded. “Mhm. It’s just that Lin is obviously exhausted, and I had a really rough trip. I think it’s best if we just get some sleep.”

“Okay,” his voice was soft. There was a hint of some emotion in there. Disappointment, maybe? “I’ll be headed to bed soon enough. I’m in the room right across the hall if you need anything.”

She smiled at him. “Thanks.” He started to walk away. She went to close the door, then paused. “Sokka?”

He stopped and turned back to look at her. “Yeah?”

“Don’t forget to ask Zuko about an airship home,” she said.

“You got it, Chief.” She could hear the smile in his voice as he started back down the hallway. She smiled too as she crawled into bed to finally get some rest.


	5. In Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In Dreams, is also a song (surprise). I'm thinking of the one by Ben Howard, not Roy Orbison.

She was walking down the street, just like she always did. Things had been relatively quiet today, but she always liked to make her presence known as the chief of police, on and off duty. She ran into absolutely no one as she walked to the outskirts of town. She wandered up the familiar walkway and knocked on the door.

 _Toph! How good to see you!_ Sokka answered. _Come in!_

She punched him in the arm. _I’d say the same, Meathead, but I can’t exactly see you._ The air was warm, and she could smell something delicious cooking. _What’s for dinner?_

 _Eel with brown rice and bok choy, I think_ , he replied, punching her back. Of course, her armor did more damage to him than the other way around, and she heard him whisper _Ow!_ under his breath. She laughed. They rounded the corner into the kitchen, and she took a seat at the table. A plate was laid down in front of her.

 _Toph, I’m so glad you’re here! Give this a taste,_ she exclaimed.

Toph did as she was told. _This is delicious, Suki! What’s in it?_

 _A special blend of spices, from Kyoshi. My father sent it as a gift!_ the giddy woman explained.

 _What’s the occasion?_ Toph asked.

 _Why, the baby of course!_ the warrior proclaimed.

 _Baby…?_  Toph was confused.

She felt Sokka’s arms against hers as he placed a bundle in her arms. _Auntie Toph, this is our baby, Lin._

The baby began to cry. It was Lin, alright. _But this is my baby!_ Toph shouted.

 _Don’t be silly!_ Suki laughed _. Sokka and I are so happy to finally welcome our first child into the world, and we’re so glad you finally get to meet her._

 _No,_ Toph shook her head, _this isn’t…you’re not…Lin is my baby._

Sokka chuckled. _You’re hilarious. We knew once you met her, you’d love her so much that you’d want to keep her._

 _No, it’s not a joke. This is my baby,_ _not yours._  She was so frustrated, she felt like crying.

The warmth and comfort of the house faded away. Toph sat disoriented in the feeling of dread as the baby’s cries echoed all around her. Suki’s voice cut through the sound like a knife, betrayed and vindictive. _My husband, my home. The name I’d always saved for my first daughter. This is my life Toph, not yours._ Lin’s crying grew louder, until it was almost deafening. Toph tried to calm the baby in her arms, tried to console herself, tried to make sense of what was going on around her.

* * *

 

She woke up gasping, tears streaming down her face. As she clawed her way back into consciousness, she tried to ground herself. _Just another nightmare, no reason to be alarmed._ She took a few deep breaths, and quickly noticed that the crying hadn’t subsided. That wasn’t part of the dream.

She threw her legs over the left side of the bed and reached for the crib. She grasped at air. Another wave of panic overtook her as she jumped to the floor. All at once, the fancy room expanded before her, and she remembered where she was. She shuddered at the cold of the marble all around her. The vastness of the Fire Nation royal palace always felt unnecessary, but tonight it only served to make her feel small and unwelcome in the foreign decor. She remembered now that the royal servants had put the bassinet on the right side of the bed, opposite of where she kept the crib back at home. Toph flopped backward onto the bed again with a sigh. The sound of Lin’s relentless mewling as it bounced off the high walls and ceiling started to drive her crazy, and she rolled across the bed to pick up the baby. Just as the noise started to quiet down, she heard a quiet rap at the door. She sighed again. “Come in, Sokka.”

The hinges on the door groaned as he opened it slowly. “Sorry, I don’t mean to keep checking up on you,” he said sheepishly. “I just heard her crying for a few minutes and didn’t know if you would maybe need a hand.”

She cringed and hoped that no one else had been woken up. “Sorry. I was having a dream where she was crying, so it took me a few moments to realize that it she was crying in real life, too,” Toph had gotten Lin latched to her breast and was sitting on the edge of the bed. “Seems I’ve got it covered now, though.”

“Oh, okay,” he turned back to the door.

“But,” she added quickly, realizing she didn’t really want to be alone with her thoughts, “now that I’m already awake, the company would be nice for a few minutes.” Without a word he padded across the room and sat next to her, leaning in. She used to get embarrassed when he would watch as she was feeding her baby. She had felt exposed at firs, but it had become so ordinary now that she didn’t even think about it.

“You seem to have dreams where she’s crying pretty often,” he observed. She had given that excuse a few times over the past couple weeks.

She shrugged. “I guess it’s just one of my biggest worries right now, so it pops up a lot.” She wasn’t lying, but she wasn’t exactly telling the whole truth, either. She was having the same dream every night, or some variation of it. The dream did represent something she was most worried about, sure, yet it only sometimes had to do with Lin. It was always more about Suki. There was no way she could tell him about that, though.

“When Katara first had Bumi, she had a really rough time,” he said. “I didn’t realize how bad it was until one day when Aang was away on Avatar business, she showed up at my house at midnight, in tears, because the baby was fussy and she couldn’t get him to go to sleep.” He chuckled and shook his head. “Suki took the baby for a little while, and Katara was finally able to calm down. She told me she’d been having a bad case of the ‘baby blues,’ she called it. She says a lot of women have it, sometimes for a while after giving birth.”

Toph yawned. “That sounds like Sugar Queen. So, what’s your point?”

He pushed a piece of hair behind her ear. Her face grew hot. “I’m not saying you’re going through the same thing. I’m just saying, maybe it would help to talk to her about it.”

“I’m fine, Sokka,” she mumbled. He shifted uncomfortably.

“I’m not sure you are, though. I noticed you’ve been having a lot of nightmares lately.”

She was starting to get irritated with him. She knew she had some post-partum issues, but she felt like she was coping with those alright. Besides that, nightmares were nothing new to her. Since their time in the war, she’d gone through bouts where she would have recurring nightmares about whatever was stressing her most. Sometimes these periods would last for weeks, but eventually the dreams would stop happening as often, until they stopped. She just had to ride them out. “I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself,” she said.

“I know you are,” his voice was soft as he tried to avoid offending her further. She couldn’t help but notice how close he was to her as she felt his warm breath in her ear. “I just want you to know, if you are dealing with something, you’re not alone. You can always talk to one of us.”

“I know.” And she did, in theory. She hadn’t really thought about it, though. Maybe he was right. Even if Sokka didn’t know what the dreams were about, and there was no way she could talk to him about it, maybe talking to Katara would help her figure out why she was having these dreams. At least, maybe talking about them would make them stop. It would be nice to stop feeling exhausted all the time.

Lin had finished feeding and fallen back asleep. Toph checked the diaper, which was still clean, and then put the baby back in the bassinet. She sat back down beside him on the bed. “How did the rest of the evening go? I felt bad leaving early, since it’s the first time we’ve all been together in a while.”

He chuckled. “Well Aang and Katara took your lead and went to bed shortly after I got back to the party. I guess they had a rough trip over, too. Mai decided to go put Izumi to bed since all the other kids would be going to sleep, but I feel like she really just wanted to leave Zuko and I alone.”

She nodded. “And how did that go?” She leaned back against the headboard, hands behind her head.

He was quiet. “It was nice,” he said finally. “I won’t pretend it wasn’t super weird, because it was. I mean, he’s just so awkward, nevermind the circumstances.” They both snickered, knowing their angsty friend was still not the most social of butterflies, even as the leader of his own nation. “It was nice to touch base with him, though. I’ve missed poor social skills,” his tone was wistful, but quickly became serious. “He found them, Toph.”

“I’m sorry, who?” she tried to think back on the conversation to figure out what she might have missed.

“The guys who planted the explosives.” He let it sink in for a second before continuing, “He found the guys responsible, and their small cell of the New Ozai society still active. Apparently, there’s a rumor it’s not the same society that was established after the war, but a brand-new organization. And get this: Azula has her hand in it.”

Toph leaned forward. That was a surprise. “But I thought she was presumed dead?” It had been years since they’d heard anything about the princess, and they’d all assumed she’d disappeared into the abyss of her own mind and died somewhere.

“She was, but I guess not anymore…” he trailed off. They let the conversation die there. She leaned back against the headboard. Before long, she found herself being lulled to sleep by the rhythm of his breathing. Just when she was almost out, he startled her. “Well, I guess I should get going and let you sleep.”

“Wait, Sokka,” she grabbed his arm as he stood to go. He sat back down again. “I know this might be weird but…” her face was burning, and for the first time, she wondered if he’d brought a lantern with him when he’d crossed the hall. She hoped not, or she was sure he’d see that her face was flushed. “Would you stay for a bit? This palace gives me the heebie jeebies.”

She could hear the smile in his voice as he responded, “Of course. Scoot over.” She did as he asked and felt him shuffle in under the covers beside her. He laid on his back, one arm behind his head. His other arm was stretched across her pillow. She rested her head on his bicep and laid a hand on his chest. He wrapped his forearm up behind her back, pulling her closer. “Good night, Toph. Sweet dreams.”

“Good night, Sokka. You too.” As she drifted off to sleep, she unconsciously reached across his body, hugging him to her. He reciprocated, wrapping both arms around her. She buried her face in his chest as she let herself drift off to sleep.

* * *

 

For the first time in weeks, she was able to wake up gradually. There had been no nightmares to speak of. In fact, she hadn’t felt this rested in a long time. She wasn’t sure exactly what time it was, but it was definitely midmorning. She could feel the heat of the sun on the bedspread from the side of the room where exterior wall was, which meant the sun was up enough to make it through window unobscured.

Her attention snapped into focus as she realized something more than just the time of day. While she was laying on her side facing the window, a pair of arms was wrapped around her waist from behind. She didn’t need anything more than the smell of his skin to realize who it was. She tried not to panic as she did her best to pull his arms away without waking him.

There was no such luck, because as she pulled one of his hands away from her body, he shifted and took a deep breath, pulling her closer and snuggling into the back of her neck. _Oh great, another nightmare._ She thought this almost certainly had to be the cruel work of her idle imagination. He would cuddle up behind her, hold her close…and then he’d call her Suki. She’d seen this one before.

“Good morning,” he whispered. His breath was warm and dewy on her neck. It sent a shiver up her spine.

“Good morning,” she said back, waiting for the moment that would wake her up gasping for breath in a rush of warm tears.

He shifted, pulling his arms away from her slowly. “How’d you sleep?”

She frowned a little, confused now about her state of consciousness. “Really well. I feel great,” she sat up and stretched. She felt a twinge in her abs from yesterday, and was suddenly acutely aware that she was, in fact, awake. The thought brought on a whole new wave of confusion.

“Good, I’m glad,” he said as he slid out of the bed on the other side. “I’m going to go get dressed and head down to the dining room for breakfast. I’m starving!” he walked toward the door. “Do you want me to wait for you?”

“No,” she shook her head, “I’ll be down in a few minutes. Save some bacon for me.”

“I make no promises,” he joked as he shut the door behind him. She sat there for a few minutes, her head spinning. She knew she’d asked him to stay for a little while last night, but she’d still expected him to leave at some point. And the cuddling? What were they _doing_? She knew one thing for sure after last night’s conversation, and only especially so after this morning: she needed to talk to Katara about her nightmares. About Suki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're here, thank you for reading everything so far! I'd love to hear any feedback you might have as I move forward with my next chapters. I'd especially love to know what you're enjoying most, or things that are most difficult to understand. 
> 
> I also was thinking about doing a couple of related stories to this that are the same plot, but from more of Sokka's perspective. Let me know what you think!


	6. Blind Panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the chapter title, okay? I'm sorry.

The second day of their stay in the Fire Nation was spent at Izumi’s birthday party. Zuko and Mai, proud parents as they were, went all out to provide magnificent, day-long entertainment for their child and her friends. There were fire performers doing tricks; a petting zoo with hippo cows, koala sheep, dragon moose, and more; and even komodo rhino rides. Bumi, Izumi, and Kya zoomed around the palace courtyard, shrieking and laughing with glee. Even little Tenzin was excited to see and touch the animals when Aang brought him into their pen. Lin was still too young to have any understanding of what was going on, but as a sociable baby, she was thrilled that the other kids were occupied and that the adults were all paying extra attention to her.

The best part about all of the excitement was how tired the kids were at the end of the busy day. As they were finishing dinner, Katara laughed while looking around at her children. Kya had lain her head down on the table, already asleep. Bumi was leaning on his fists, barely able to keep his eyes open. Tenzin was sitting in his highchair, nodding off and then snapping back to attention as he tried to lick the rest of the egg custard off of his sticky fingers. It was a losing battle. “C’mon,” the mother whispered to Aang as she gestured for him to help gather their children. Aang took Tenzin in his arms, then knelt in front of Bumi’s chair. Bumi wordlessly climbed onto his father’s back, resting his head in the crook of his shoulder. Katara picked up Kya, who curled up into her chest. “We’ll be back in a little bit,” she said softly as she and her husband carried their family down the hall.

Izumi had climbed into her mother’s lap during dessert, when she decided to share her own monumental ice cream sundae with her parents, and had long since fallen asleep there. “I think it’s time to get her to bed, as well,” the slender woman stood with the little girl in her arms. She kissed her husband on the cheek, then took off down the hall.

Toph shifted her attention to Lin, who was asleep in her arms. The baby had been asleep for a while now, but she hadn’t wanted to get up during the meal. Besides, as an infant, Lin could sleep anywhere without much of a fuss. As she stroked the chubby cheeks, she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“I can take her to her crib. You’ve been carrying her around all day, so why don’t you go relax?” Sokka’s voice was soft and sweet, and the tone made her blush a little.

“You sure? I can get it.” She felt his hands wriggle between her arms and the baby, and she reluctantly handed her daughter over to him.

“I doubt she’ll even wake up,” he said. “Be right back.”

She focused on his footsteps as he left the room and walked down the hall, until he was out of her range of sense. The tension she’d been holding inside of her all day relaxed a bit as she let out a deep breath. After waking up in his arms this morning, she had been on edge around him all day. Every time he placed a hand on her arm or grazed her skin as he leaned over to tickle Lin, her breath caught in her chest. She couldn’t tell if he was being more touchy-feely than usual with her, or if she was just more attuned to it today. She’d carried Lin around all day by herself mostly so she would have a distraction from all of those confusing feelings until she could sort them out.

Zuko cleared his throat. “Do you want to move to the living room?” he asked her.

“Sure,” she said. “Lead the way.” She followed him down a short corridor a room with many couches, all of which with more cushions and pillows than necessary. It was silent even long after they’d taken a seat across from each other. Neither of them was a great conversationalist in the first place, and to be honest, they hadn’t spoken much since the assassination attempt. She didn’t even realize until this trip that he still occasionally had to use his cane to get around, especially after a long day like today. The last she’d seen him in person before this trip had been at the funeral, and he’d been in a wheelchair that day…

She tried not to think about those things very often. She was glad he was making a recovery, and she made sure to keep up contact and return his letters, but she’d never really gone out of her way to see him beforehand, anyways. After the accident, it only became more uncomfortable, and they’d mostly fallen out of touch. Sokka and Zuko had been closer before everything happened, so Sokka’s withdrawal from their friendship was much more vehement and purposeful in a way that no one could ignore. Yet no one had made a big deal out of her friendship with the Fire Lord slowly fading into obscurity.

He finally broke the silence, “Motherhood looks really good on you.”

She chuckled, caught off guard by his comment. “You think so? You sound surprised by that.” She kicked back on the plush sofa, putting her feet up.

“Uh, yeah…” he laughed too. He sounded flustered, and Toph smirked to herself about his lack of social skills. You would have thought that twenty years as the Fire Lord would have given him some kind of practice at socialization, but alas, outside of the political realm, he was still the same awkward person he’d been when they met two decades ago as kids. It was secretly her favorite of his traits, and she was glad it had never changed. “I mean, I guess I’m not surprised that you’re a good mother. You’re tough, but you have a lot of heart. It’s just that when I heard you’d had a baby, I wasn’t exactly…you know, expecting it?”

She roared with laughter this time, “Yeah, when I first heard I was pregnant, I wasn’t really expecting it either. I can’t imagine how it would have been to find out after I’d already given birth.” The attempted assassination had taken place on the same day that the doctor had confirmed her pregnancy, and she hadn’t had a chance to share with anyone besides Katara and Aang before they got news of the attack. Zuko had been so gravely injured, he barely survived. It was a miracle he’d made it to the funeral. In fact, everyone advised him against going in such a state, but he had insisted that he make it. Suki had been one of his closest friends, and he’d felt responsible for her death. The least he could do was honor her sacrifice.

After that, Zuko spent the remainder of those first four months completely isolated from the populace in the private quarters of the palace in order to heal, while his wife took over his duties in the interim. He’d spent the last few months returning to his diplomatic responsibilities in small increments, with Mai continuing to take on whatever he couldn’t fulfill. In all the craziness of his recovery, no one had mentioned Toph’s pregnancy to him. When he received the birth announcement a few months ago, he thought it was a strange joke at first. Once he found out it was real, he’d written her a three-page letter to apologize for not being up to date, to congratulate her, and to catch up. Her reply to that letter was the last correspondence they had had before the party invitation.

“I think the biggest shock came when I found out you were living with Sokka to raise her,” he said, almost off the cuff. The words made Toph stiffen again. It would be a shock to anyone, of course. It should be, truthfully. Everyone else played off the situation like it was the most natural thing in the world for her to have moved into her friend’s house less than a year after the death of his wife, or like it was perfectly normal for Sokka to help her raise a child that was not his. She’d always worried that the situation was weird, and now he had just confirmed that it _was_ weird.

Zuko continued, “I was afraid he’d never speak to any of us again, especially when he stopped talking to Katara. I was surprised you even got him to open the door, but to hear he let you move in? I was astonished.” He paused for a moment before adding, “But I’m glad you got through to him...” She could hear him starting to get choked up, and took a moment to think about all that Zuko must have been dealing with this past year. Besides his own pain and recovery, he was also dealing with the grief of loss, not only of Suki but also Sokka in a way. Then there was dealing with the guilt of feeling at fault for it all. Toph had always wanted to reach out and make sure he knew it wasn’t his fault, but she still couldn’t face it. Besides, she didn’t think he’d believe her anyways. He’d never stop blaming himself. After taking a second to bring his emotions into check, he finished by saying, “He’s…well happier isn’t the word I want, but more content, I guess. At least more than I could have hoped for him only a year out from everything. Hell, he might be better off than me.”

She relaxed a little again and let out a small laugh with a nod in agreement. Sokka was in a really good place lately, and he seemed to be coping with his loss even better than most of the rest of them. She thought maybe he got it all out of his system when he was wallowing in his despair, and the new lifestyle allowed him a sort of freedom to start fresh that the rest of them didn’t have. Maybe this situation wasn’t so weird after all. Or, more likely, maybe it was but it didn’t matter. Maybe they all knew as well as she did that this situation was weird and uncomfortable, and probably a little inappropriate, but they just accepted it because with the way things were right now, at least everyone seemed to be on the right side of okay. Everyone except for maybe her.

“Hey, are you feeling alright? You’ve been quiet all day. It’s unlike you,” he said. She snapped back to reality. She knew she’d been stuck in her head all day, but she was embarrassed now to see that she hadn’t hidden it very well.

She shook her head, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a tired lately. I’m sure you know how it goes with a new baby in the house and everything.” She hoped she sounded nonchalant.

“Oh boy, do I ever. Izumi wasn’t much of a sleeper.” She could hear the smile in his voice. “I was amazed at how patient Mai can be when sleep deprived. I could never have kept it together without her.” She smiled again,

“I know how you feel there, Sparky. I’m not exactly known for my patience. It’s nice to have someone else around who can take over when I lose my cool.”

“So, Sokka is the levelheaded one? Yikes,” he laughed. “Good luck, Lin.” Toph snorted as she chuckled. She couldn’t disagree with him on that one.

“Hey! I resent that,” Sokka protested as he came around the corner. She sat up as she choked on her laugher. His voice had caught her by surprise. She hadn’t had her feet on the ground to sense him and wasn’t paying enough attention to hear him coming down the hall. “I won’t deny it, but I resent it.” He plopped himself down onto the couch beside her, throwing his arm over the back of the couch behind her head. He wasn’t exactly touching her, but he was close enough that the heat from his body felt scorching on her side.

“I’d like to know where you suddenly discovered all of this patience,” Katara quipped as she reentered the room behind him. Aang and Mai were with her, too. “As long as I’ve known you, that’s never exactly been your strong suit.”

Aang retorted, “Y’know sweetie, I hate to admit it, but after meditating with your brother regularly for these past few months, I’ve got to say that he’s the more patient of the two of you.”

The water tribe woman scoffed, “Well I would probably be more patient if I didn’t have to corral your three rambunctious offspring every day. Does being the Avatar mean that your children are destined to bounce off the walls? Because I’m inclined to think so.”

“Yes, it’s _my_ genes that are responsible for our children’s hyperactivity. I was the one who defiantly freed every town I came across during the war, even going as far as to have myself imprisoned to save someone I just met,” he needled her. She tried to object, but he just kissed her on the cheek and she huffed back into her seat. They were at the stage in their marriage where they had disagreements over trivial things, yet somehow, they still managed to be cute about it. Their relationship was still sickeningly sweet all these years later.

Toph could barely contain her disgust as she blew raspberries in their direction. “Boo, you two, get a room,” she rolled her eyes.

“Or don’t,” Sokka added smuggly. “Afterall, I’m not sure adding a fourth to your brood would solve your patience problem.” Toph felt herself relax more as the room filled with the cacophonous sound of familiar laughter. Even Katara admitted it was funny, but not before she beamed her brother in the face with an overstuffed pillow. Even from across the room, it hit him with a thud, only causing Toph to laugh even harder, to the point that she was nearly doubled over in her seat. When she settled back into the sofa, she had moved close enough to him that their sides were ever-so-lightly touching. She resolved not to let it get the best of her this time and let herself relax into the comfortable sense of family that she was feeling.

They carried on their frivolity into the late hours of the evening, but as parents, they all wore down soon after midnight. They headed to bed together as a group, saying their goodnights as they broke off into their separate directions. Zuko and Mai were first, as they headed the opposite direction down the main hall toward the more secure royal chambers. Katara and Aang split off to a large suite that had a bedroom for each of their children as well as a bedroom for the two of them, and even a common living space for all five to gather when they woke up Toph and Sokka’s rooms were at the end of that hallway, across the hall from each other. She began to feel uneasy again when it was finally just the two of them.

He cleared his throat. “So uh…can I come in maybe and check on Lin before I go to bed?”

“I’m sure she’s fine, Sokka. The servants have been checking in every so often,” she sighed, exhausted from being on edge all day.

“I know, I know. It’s…it’s not about her,” he mumbled.

She couldn’t help but smile at how attached to the baby he was. He was so good to her, always worrying about her and loving her like his own child. Even though Toph was anxious about being around him, she couldn’t deny letting him see her after how much he poured into raising her.

She opened the door and beckoned him, “After you.”

He made his way across the room to the basinet. She followed him in and took a seat on the edge of the bed. She curled her left leg up underneath her, but let her right leg hang down, toes grazing the floor so that she could still watch him. He stood there for a long time, quietly hunched over the sleeping bundle. She listened to him breathe, slow and deep. The rhythm was mesmerizing. After a few minutes, she crossed over to his side. “What are you doing?” she asked quietly.

“Nothing, really,” he said. There was a hint of rasp in his voice that sounded almost like he was crying, but she couldn’t tell for sure. If he was, he recovered well as he continued, “It’s just…I could look at her for hours.”

She smirked at him. “Well I might not be an expert on the matter, but I’m relatively certain that any amount of ‘looking’ becomes ‘staring’ after the three-minute mark.” They both chuckled. Then after a minute, she added wistfully, “I rarely wish that I could see with my eyes, but I do wish more than anything that I could see her face. I mean really see it. I can feel the features when she’s in a good enough mood, sure, but I’ll never get to see her smile when she’s laughing, or her frown when she’s crying. It seems so unfair that I’m her mom, but I miss little things like this. Like, if I just reached out to touch her face right now, she’d probably wake up screaming. I'll never get to see what she looks like when she's sleeping.”

It was quiet for another second. “Her hair is black like yours, but curly. The way she’s lying on her back, the ringlets are sticking straight out of her head like dark little flames. She is doing this thing that she does this thing all the time, you probably can hear it. It almost looks like she’s chewing, but never opens her mouth. Her bottom lip just bounces up and down, and it makes all these little bubbles where her lips meet.” She listened intently as soon as she realized he was describing the exact moment to her. It wasn’t going to fix the problem she was talking about, but she thought that it was very sweet for him to do what he could.

He was right, she had heard a little popping sound coming from Lin’s mouth during nap time, and she could hear it now, but she’d always assumed it was a sort of snore. The image of bubbles she had conjured in her mind made her giggle. “That sounds cute, and a little gross,” she said, shuddering at the thought of baby drool. She was much better at dealing with it now, but when she first gave birth, she was shocked and horrified by the amount of drool involved with having a baby, and utterly repulsed by the specific slick consistency of baby drool.

“Well, she takes after her mother on both accounts, I’d say,” he laughed, and she joined him. Admittedly, she worked hard enough to be gross. Baby drool might have disgusted her, but she still rarely shied away from other gross habits like picking her ears, nose, and toes even as an adult. “And when she’s dreaming, like she seems to be doing right now, she gets a tiny little crease between her eyes,” he gently placed the tip of his index finger between Toph’s eyebrows. “Reminds me of the one you get when you’re concentrating, or when you’re pissed off.” She gave him a look of disapproval and felt her forehead crinkle under his fingertip. “Yeah,” he said, softer now. “That one.”

He slowly moved his hand from her forehead to her cheek, cupping her face in his hand. She felt dizzy. She tried to regulate her breathing as they stood there for what felt like eternity, though she knew it was only a matter of moments. She felt his warm breath on her face as he came closer to her. “Toph,” her name was a breathy whisper, barely audible. She didn’t have time to respond to him before his lips met hers.

She froze at first, unsure of exactly what was happening. Fireworks were going off inside her mind, and all she could think about was the tingling sensation on her lips. After a moment of hesitation, she reached up and grabbed his face in both hands, pulling him closer to her. He wrapped his other arm around her waist, bringing their bodies together with a faint groan.

Something in the sound brought her back to reality, reminding her of where she was and who she was with. An image of her deceased friend flashed across her mind, and she gasped into the kiss, pushing the confused man away from her as she stepped back. It was over almost as quickly as it had happened, yet everything was irreparably changed. She stood there silently, unsure of what she could possibly even say. The seconds that passed felt like an eternity.

“Toph, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t ha—” he tried to touch her, but she jerked away.

“No, no,” she shook her head, waving her hand in feigned insouciance. “It’s just late. It was a long day. We’re tired. Maybe we should…”

“Get to bed, yeah,” he said, shifting a bit. She couldn’t help but notice his increased and irregular heart rate. “I guess I should go, then.”

“Yeah,” she breathed out. “Probably.”

He walked to the door, opening it and stepping over the threshold before turning back to face her. “Goodnight, Toph.” His voice was meek and sad.

“Goodnight, Sokka.” It was barely above a whisper. When he closed the door behind him, she stood there for a long time looking after him. She could feel him standing on the other side of the door for a while before finally walking away. She finally started to get ready for bed, and her thoughts started racing the moment she started moving again.

This was bad. They had just made things exponentially more complicated for themselves, and now she was going to have to lie awake in this strange, terrible room all by herself as she dreaded tomorrow’s several-hour journey back home with him on the airship. She wasn’t even sure if she would be able to talk about what just happened, but she didn’t think she’d be able to ignore it, either.

She lay there for a long time thinking about what was worse: this wakeful worrying, or the restless sleep she was going to have with the imminent nightmares tonight’s events were inevitably going to cause her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if you've been waiting on this update. This section of the story is one that I have only loosely planned out, so I changed the ending of it several times before it felt right for what I want to do going forward. The next one is a little easier, I hope, and then there will only be a few more after that. I'd say a total of 5 more tops?


	7. Up in the Air

_Toph, come on! It’s just ice._ Sokka was yelling to her from the other side of the frozen bridge. She was surprised she could hear him over the sound of Katara and Aang taking on the sea serpent behind her. She couldn’t see anything about the fight, as it was happening in the water, but she was trying to keep tabs on it with her ears, making all other noise difficult to decipher.

She tested the surface, though she already knew the result. She was blinder than ever, and at a very inopportune time. _Actually, I’m gonna stay on my little island where I can see._ She was desperately trying to concentrate on the earth below her and replace the ice bridge ahead of her with land, but there was too much going on around her and not enough time. The serpent crashed down behind her and knocked her out onto the ice with a scream. She had no choice. _Okay, I’m coming!_ She inched along as quickly as she could safely manage and tried not to think of the water all around her. She left home at twelve to train the Avatar in earthbending. She was helping him save the world. She was the bravest and toughest at this moment that she had ever been, and all she had to do was get the other side of this ice. There was earth just a short distance away.

_You’re doing great!_ he shouted. _Just follow the sound of my voice!_

Her sheer terror left room in her brain for only her strongest coping mechanism: sarcasm. _It’s hard to ignore,_ she shouted back, though she was secretly always appreciative of how he helped her in small ways that she didn’t have to ask for. She didn’t like to admit she even needed help, and he knew that.

_You’re almost there._ His voice was so much closer. She swallowed her fear as she continued on at a steady pace. She hoped he would keep talking to her until she was back on solid ground.

There was a sudden crash, and the ice collapsed beneath her. She was sent tumbling into the cold water with no sense of which way was up. She thrashed enough to get a hand above the surface and struggled to pull her head in the same direction. She tried to catch a breath and call out to her friends while she could, _Help! I can’t swim!_

_I’m coming, Toph!_ She barely heard him as she fell beneath the waves again. She tried desperately to sense any sort of earth around her in a last-ditch effort to save herself, to no avail. Her lungs were about to burst, and she was ready to accept her fate when she felt someone pull her back to the surface. Gasping for air, she threw her arms around her hero. _Oh Sokka, you saved me!_ She planted an enthusiastic kiss on his cheek.

The relief was instantly replaced by abject horror when the savior responded, _Actually, it’s me._ Then she felt Suki grasp onto the back of her head, then push her back under the water.

* * *

 

Toph woke up gasping. It only took a few seconds to realize where she was this time, as she hadn’t been asleep for very long. She groaned as she rubbed her temples. _Great,_ she thought to herself, _that’s a fresh spin on that nightmare._ _Always something new and exciting, I guess._

She had dreamt about crossing the Serpents Pass many times since the end of the war. There were only a few instances on their quest to save the world that still had a lasting impact on her, but the first time she was forced to accept that she was going to die and wouldn’t be able to save herself had been particularly haunting. Suki killing her instead of saving her, however, was a new and disturbing twist to the memory that she could only imagine was a result of kissing Sokka last night.

She groaned again and curled in on herself as her headache intensified. She took a few deep breaths before trying to decipher what time it was. It was definitely morning, as she could hear people moving around, but the room wasn’t very warm yet and she couldn’t smell breakfast. It must have been just after dawn, she concluded. She had a little time before she had to meet him for their trip back to Republic City.

Sensing her mother’s wakefulness, Lin started to coo. Toph rolled over to the side of the bed and stood up, crossing the floor to pick up her baby. “Hello, my little love bug,” she nuzzled the top of her head, the fine ringlets tickling her nose. Lin made little squealing noises of delight, reaching up to pull her mother’s long hair. They sat down for their morning feeding, and Toph let herself relax as she focused on her child. It was so grounding to be a mother. No matter what else was happening in the world around her, no matter what worries she had, they all melted away when she was tending to Lin. If Lin was happy, she could be happy, too.

When they were through feeding, Toph changed and dressed the baby, then got dressed herself. She hadn’t packed very much besides Lin’s diaper bag, as the Fire Royals always insisted on supplying garments for their guests’ visits. She gathered their sparse belongings and headed down the hallway to the dining room.

When she got there, she was relieved to find only Katara and Tenzin sitting at the table, though a little surprised. “What are you still doing here?” she asked, “I thought you and Aang would have left with the kiddos at daybreak.” She took a second to sense around herself and realized Aang and the two older children were nowhere nearby. “Where’s your family? And your brother? I expected him to at least be awake already.”

Katara shifted in her seat. “They uh…they left this morning. Sokka said he wanted to spend some ‘bro-time’ with Aang. He suggested that it might be nice for you and me to ride together in the airship with just the babies so we can, ya know…talk.”

Katara’s words were heavy with extra meaning, and her vitals were all over the place. She wasn’t lying exactly, but she wasn’t telling the whole truth. Toph had almost braced herself against the awkward exchange she was bound to have with Sokka this morning. However, she had not anticipated having to having this conversation with his sister. “Talk about what? What did he say to you exactly?”

“Well…” the tone in the water tribe woman’s voice sounded like she was as uncomfortable as Toph felt, and she was able to relax a little knowing they were at least on the same page there. “To be honest, Toph, I’m not really sure. He mentioned in passing yesterday that he thought you were having some post-pregnancy problems that you might want to talk about, so I figured I’d touch base with you when we got home. But then he showed up at our suite this morning before we were all even awake and begged me to take the airship home with you. He looked like he barely slept and just kept saying that he needed to talk to Aang, and he wanted me to talk to you. When I asked him if it was about the same issue, he said no, but he wouldn’t tell me what it was.” Katara sounded both exasperated and worried. “Did something happen last night? Is everything okay?”

They were alone in the dining room, but Toph zeroed in on the rooms around them. She could feel two royal servants on the other side of the door, listening in. This wasn’t exactly business she wanted spread about the Fire Nation palace. She shook her head. “Let’s save it for the trip home. There’s a lot I need to talk to you about.”

They ate a quick breakfast and said their goodbyes to the royal family. Even little Izumi joined them, awake at the crack of dawn like her father. Once they were loaded onto the airship and in the air, Katara plopped herself down next to Toph. Tenzin was sleeping in her arms. “Okay, we’re far away from prying ears, so spill it.”

Toph was holding Lin in her lap, letting the baby pull on the long pieces of hair that framed her face. The little girl was so fascinated with grabbing and pulling at things lately. She marveled that her daughter was becoming more self-aware and physically capable every day, even at only three months. “I don’t even know where to start, honestly,” the mother shrugged.

Katara breathed out. “Alright. Well, what happened last night?”

“I can’t start there,” Toph laughed at her predicament.

“Okay,” Katara’s voice was becoming more annoyed. “Sokka says you’ve been having nightmares again. About Lin?”

Toph sighed. She sat silently for a moment, before finally gaining enough courage to say it out loud. “Yes, sometimes? But also no.” She felt Katara shift in frustration, so she quickly finished her thought: “The nightmares I’ve been having are mostly about Suki.”

Katara sat up. “Oh.” She was quiet for a long time. “Why is that, do you think?”

“Because…I don’t know, I feel like I stole her life? I’m living in her house, with her husband, and a kid she never got to have. Did Sokka tell you they were going to name their daughter Lin? Because he told me, and that’s how I found the name for my child. So I guess I stole that, too,” the words came out in a flurry. She had been needing to get this off her chest for so long; now that she had opened the floodgates, she couldn’t close them. “I know that it’s irrational to feel guilty, because things wouldn’t have turned out this way if she were still here, but I can’t help it.”

Katara sat and digested all of this information. After some time to process, she answered, “You didn’t steal her life, though. Her life was stolen from her by a senseless act of violence. If anything, you saved whatever part of her life was left behind by helping get Sokka out of the hole he dug himself when he lost her.” Tenzin woke up then, fussing quietly, and Katara shifted her attention to feeding him.

Toph nodded as she let her friend’s words sink in. “And I understand that, logically. Yet I still feel like I’m betraying her.”

“Toph, Suki loved you. You loved her too, or else you wouldn’t feel like this. I know you don’t like to talk about these things, but you are probably just missing her. I’m sure living in her house can only make it that much more difficult. On top of your hormones and living with the daily headache that is my brother, that’s a lot to take in over the course of a few months. I’m sure things will start to get easier soon.” Katara’s sermon, as always, was heavy with the dulcet tones of motherhood, as had been her default since they’d met, and which only grew stronger with age. Her soothing tone brought no comfort this time.

“Uh, no,” Toph chuckled ruefully, “I do not think that’s going to happen.”

“Right,” there was a frown in Katara’s voice. “Because something happened last night that made my brother act like a total weirdo this morning.”

Toph laughed. “To be fair, your brother always kind of acts like a weirdo.”

“Well?” Katara was not laughing along, though she inevitably agreed. She wasn’t going to let the emotionally evasive woman get away from the topic at hand.

Toph wanted to come right out and say what happened, but the words got stuck at the back of her throat. She just couldn’t articulate it. It had been everything she secretly desired. And yet, it felt so wrong. How could she even begin to justify this to herself? How could she justify it to his _sister_?

“Toph, what happened last night?” Her patience was wearing thin again, as was evidenced by her tone. _Your hubby is right, your brother is the more patient one,_ Toph thought to herself, trying to suppress a smirk.

Lin squealed as she reached down and grabbed her feet, nearly toppling out of her mother’s hands. Toph caught her baby before she hit the ground, and the little one was delighted at the adventure, giggling the whole time. As the mother spread a blanket on the floor and put her baby down, she turned a little toward Katara. “You have to promise that you won’t freak out.”

“Why would I freak out?” Katara asked, wiping up the milk around Tenzin’s mouth.

Toph shook her head, smirking. “No, you have to promise before I say anything else.”

“Of course I won’t freak out,” Katara huffed. “I promise.”

Toph bit her bottom lip, then finally said, in a barely audible mumble, “He kissed me.”

“He _what_?!” Katara hollered. The sudden noise startled both of the babies. Tenzin began to cry, and even Lin began to whimper. The two mothers did their best to soothe their babies, Katara crooning to her little one while Toph massaged the soles of Lin’s feet.

“Hey! You said you wouldn’t freak out!” Toph hissed back.

“I’m not freaking out!” Katara said, a bit quieter but no less panicked. “I’m just…surprised. And confused. What happened?”

“Yeah, well I’m surprised and confused too,” Toph scoffed. “I don’t know what happened. It just…happened.” The small outburst from their children had been quashed and the two babies were now on the floor next to each other. Tenzin was already mobile, but he was so fascinated by Lin that he stayed right beside her, passing her toys and letting her tug on his clothing. They were becoming fast friends.

Katara’s voice was back to being soothing now, “I can imagine you are, yeah.” There was a beat of silence, and then she asked, “So, did you kiss him back?”

“Yes,” Toph replied, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks. “And then I panicked, and I pushed him off of me and told him to go to bed.”

Katara let out a little whistling noise. “Ouch, okay. Well, that explains some of his weirdness, I guess.”

They both sat there without saying anything. Toph had been so absorbed in her own emotions that she hadn’t even considered how Sokka was feeling after last night. Had she hurt his feelings when she pushed him away? She imagined she must have. And if she was feeling like a disloyal friend through all of this, she could only imagine what he must be feeling as a grieving husband. As much as she hated talking about Suki and opening those wounds, maybe it was time for them to finally breech that subject together. It was, after all, like an elephant in every room of their home together. Suki’s presence, or rather absence, was palpable, and maybe avoiding it had been the reason she couldn’t shake these nightmares.

As if reading the blind woman’s mind, the Avatar’s wife said, “I think you and I both know that you need to talk to _him_ about this, not me.

“Yeah,” she sighed. “I know.”

“How do you feel about…all of this?” there was an edge of apprehension in Katara’s voice this time, though her words were still quiet.

Toph understood why his sister would be worried after the way Sokka handled Suki’s death. Frankly, she had similar fears. He had been doing exceptionally well recently, but his sudden change of heart still felt tenuous, at best. She had a feeling that they were all secretly worried one small setback might cause him to spiral again. She would never forgive herself if she was the cause of it this time. Even still, she didn’t know how to answer the question. “I’m not sure.”

Katara drummed her fingers anxiously against the edge of her seat. “Can I ask you a favor, less as a friend and more as his sister?” Toph nodded. “Will you try to answer that question for yourself before you talk to him? I can only imagine how mixed up he’s feeling, but if neither of you are sure of yourselves before you have this conversation, then I worry…” she paused to clear her throat. “Well, I just worry, that’s all. About both of you.”

Toph laughed a little. “I know, Mom. It’s in your nature,” she landed a soft punch on her friend’s shoulder. “It’s a good thing I’ve got the rest of this trip to think about it.”


	8. Truth by Moonlight

When Toph and Katara finally arrived back in Republic City, it was late. The babies were sound asleep, and the mothers had even gotten a nap in. The airship landed at the city docks so that Toph wouldn’t have to ride the ferry to get home. Katara offered to walk her back to the house, but she declined in favor of taking the alone time to collect her thoughts before facing Sokka. Even after hours of thought, she still had no idea what she was going to say to him. As she approached the door, she took a deep breath before walking inside.

The house was quiet, and still had that distinct smell that houses have when they’ve sat empty for a period of time. They had only been gone for a couple of days, but for a house as lived in as theirs, it had made a difference. She took a moment to feel out the rooms, but she couldn’t sense him anywhere. “Sokka?” she called out.

“Yeah,” his voice was muffled and far away. “I’m out here.” It took her a moment to realize that the back door was open, and he must be in the yard. She gave Lin a quick kiss as she laid the baby gently in the crib and took another deep breath before she headed outside.

The night air here was much cooler than in the Fire Nation, and dewier. Toph much preferred this weather to the dry heat of their western neighbors. The grass tickled her toes as she stepped into the yard, and she suddenly felt much more at ease. She could sense him lying in the middle of the lawn, staring up at the sky. She quietly padded over to him, then laid with her head next to his so that their ears were almost touching. She listened as the breeze blew through the leaves on the little shrubs nearby and drank the smell of the night air. It was so peaceful.

“I’m going to guess it’s a full moon tonight,” she said. She didn’t really ever know what phase of the moon they were in, except for the nights when Sokka would sit outside and stare quietly at the sky for hours. On these nights, his mind wandered to Yue, and she could only imagine Suki as well: the women he had loved and lost.

“She’s just as beautiful as when we were young,” he said. It was obviously meant as a joke, but there was a certain sadness to it that made it impossible for her to laugh. His voice was hushed and trancelike. He’d been thinking about something for a while before she got home, which she could have guessed.

She sighed. “Sokka, I—”

“I’m really sorry about last night, Toph. I don’t know what came over me,” he cut her off, his tone becoming more rigid. He had propped himself up on one elbow and was looking down at her. The words felt rehearsed. “I shouldn’t have disrespected you like that, and I hope that—”

“Will you shut up?” she interrupted him this time.

He didn’t finish his original speech, but he did continue. “I feel bad that I upset you.”

She scoffed, “Sokka, you didn’t upset me. It’s just…well, I…there’s been some things…I didn’t want…” Every sentence she started felt incorrect. She huffed as she tried to begin again. “I’ve had a lot of things on my mind lately, and I should have talked to you about them sooner, because last night only made them more confusing for me.” She could still feel him looming above her, expectant. His heart rate was soaring, and she could almost feel his stare boring holes into her face. She decided that beating around the bush would only be more confusing for both of them, and figured it was best to be as straightforward as possible. “I keep having nightmares about Suki because I feel like I’m betraying her by living here. Staying with you, in the house you two lived in together; using the name she’d saved for her daughter to name my own; getting to watch you tackle fatherhood for the first time…” Toph could feel the tears creeping up on her, so she tried to finish her thought before her voice broke. “I have so many blessings in my life right now, but I feel like I’ve stolen them all from her somehow.”

“You know,” he said after a moment. “That makes me feel a lot better.”

She frowned at him. “Gee, thanks for your concern. I’m glad my emotional turmoil has been beneficial for you in some way.”

“No,” he scoffed, “Don’t be stupid. I just mean…I felt that way, too. Letting you move in here at first is something I offered on an impulse. I kept obsessing over something Aang had told me, and when you talked about your living situation, this seemed like a solution for both of us. But after you said yes, I won’t lie, there were a few days that I felt awful. Like I had sold out my wife just to make my own discomfort stop.”

Toph, still frowning, rolled onto her side and propped herself up on her elbow, mimicking him. “What could Aang have possibly said that would compel you to invite an excessively pregnant woman into your home, just weeks before she was due?”

“Do you remember toward the end of the war when we all went our separate ways in Ba Sing Se, right before everything went to hell in a handbasket? Aang went to see that weird guru guy at the Eastern Air Temple to unlock the Avatar State.” She nodded once, entreating him to continue. “Well apparently, he was really learning how to unlock his chakras. I won’t bore you with all the spiritual mumbo jumbo, but the guru made Aang come to terms with all of his negative emotions, like guilt and loss. He said something like, ‘Love is a form of energy, and it swirls all around us. If you lose someone, their love for you is not gone. It is still inside of your heart and is reborn in the form of new love.’” She crinkled up her nose at his impersonation of a guru. His sage-like delivery was uncanny, and so outside of the Sokka she knew. He was quiet for a moment. “I think he was onto something. I think when you lose someone you care about, it hurts so much because you have all this love left to give to them but nowhere to put it anymore. The only way you can start to dull the pain is by finding somewhere else to channel the love.”

She sat there and pondered for a few minutes. “That was really insightful of you Sokka, and I have to say, I’m impressed.” He blew a raspberry in her direction, and she shot him a big grin. She added, “But I guess I don’t really see why that would make you ask me to move in here.”

He sighed as he laid back down. She laid her head next to his again as he answered, “Because you were the first person who came to mind when he said first said it to me.” The weight of that phrase hit her like a ton of bricks. He continued, “I’ve always loved you, Toph. Since we met, you’ve always been one of my best friends. You were the one who was willing to tell me the hard truths I needed to hear when I was so sick of being coddled. You were the one who made me realize that it was foolish of me to wallow in my own misery, as if other people couldn’t fathom my hardships. When you came to talk to me, and I heard how your life had been, I felt guilty and selfish for locking myself away. So when I saw an opportunity to help you, what Aang said suddenly made sense. I think my mouth invited you stay before my mind was really mad up about it, but…” he turned a little, and she could feel his breath tickle her ear. “I think it was the best decision I’ve ever made.”

“But how do you not feel like the biggest backstabber in the world?” She pushed her palms and soles into the earth gently, delighting at the sensation of the blades of grass between her toes as she clenched and unclenched them. “I mean, I feel like _I’m_ betraying her with everything I do. I can only imagine how you feel.”

He chuckled. “I did for a little while, if I’m honest, but when I thought about what Suki would have done if she were still around, I felt stupid because she would have immediately invited you to stay with us. Things would have been a little different than they are now, but that’s a given. Still, she never would have hesitated to invite you in. She loved you, too, and you being here is honoring that, if anything.”

She felt lighter now, like a great burden had been lifted off her shoulders. The knots in her stomach untied themselves. Most of the tension in her body was washed away, but there was still one small matter they needed to address. “You kissed me last night.”

He turned his attention back to the night sky. “Yes, I did.” “Why?” she asked. “I’m not entirely sure. Being with you and Lin makes my heart feel full in a way that it hasn’t for a long time. There was moonlight from the windows, and the way it hit your eyes…I don’t know.” His heart was racing again, and his voice grew quieter as he went on. Then, after a beat, he said, “I’m sorry.” “Why are you sorry?” she whispered.

“Because I shouldn’t have done it, and I probably shouldn’t even be telling you all of this now,” he snickered to himself. “I wasn’t thinking clearly, and it wasn’t until you reacted poorly that I realized it probably wasn’t a bright idea.”

“I’m sorry I pushed you away,” she bit her lip. He shook his head. “Don’t be. You had every right. I kind of ambushed you with it.”

“But…” she swallowed hard, licking her lips. Somewhere in this conversation, she had sorted out her feelings, but she wasn’t sure how they were going to be received. She spoke with more conviction this time. “I didn’t want to push you away.”

He sat there silently. A wave of anxious nausea washed over her as she realized the reality of what she said, and that she couldn’t take it back. But she meant it. He deserved to know how she felt. She had known the moment he kissed her that things were going to be different, whatever that was going to entail. She could feel the tension in his jaw as he clenched and unclenched his teeth. It seemed more like worry than anger. “I don’t know what to say.”

She was always much better in action than in words. Without speaking, she pushed her heel into the earth and pushed the ground underneath him up with enough force to throw him into the air, flipping him over backwards. She grabbed the fabric of his shirt as he tumbled over her so that when he landed, he was lying on top of her. He made a noise in protest and surprise as he pushed himself up, hands on either side of her, but she didn’t give him enough time to say anything before she pulled him to her in a crushing kiss.

He inhaled sharply through his nose before relaxing into the kiss. She let go of his shirt and snaked her arm up around his neck. He brought one hand to her face, pressing his body into hers with a moan. She gasped slightly as his tongue slid past his lips into her mouth, arching her body toward him. He reached up and took the comb out of her hair, letting it fall out of her usual up-do, and ran his fingers through her long hair. He pulled away from her lips and started to kiss down her neck, sending shivers down her spine that caused her entire body to tense. She felt his breath against the sensitive skin as he laughed at her reaction, and she purred as he nipped and nibbled the skin down to her collar bone.

Just then, a piercing cry rang through the evening. They both froze, then turned their attention toward the house. Lin was obviously awake, which wasn’t all that surprising considering she’d fallen asleep a few hours ago on the airship and probably needed to be fed and changed. They laughed at each other, faces still only a breath away. He kissed her cheek and sighed, then lifted himself up off the ground. He reached out and took her hand, helping her to her feet. “Impeccable timing, kid. Really,” she muttered sarcastically, shaking her head with a smile as she walked past him toward the back door.


	9. Like the Dawn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like the Dawn is also a song by the Oh Hellos

The kettle started to whistle, and Toph took it off the heat, opening the lid and letting it cool a little before pouring it into the teapot. If Iroh had taught her only one lesson in her life, it was how to be patient enough to brew a good pot of tea. She brought the pot to the table and plopped down in a chair with a sigh. The birds outside were starting to twitter and tweet, and she could only surmise that the sun must be rising. As she waited for the tea to steep, she pulled her long hair over her shoulder and started running her fingers through it, gently tugging through any knots and removing small bits of debris.

“Sokka, there’s so much grass in my hair,” she laughed, exasperated. “Did you have to take it down while we were lying on the lawn?”

He got up from his chair at the other side of the table and walked over to her. He stood behind her and took her hair in his hands, shooing hers away as he slowly worked his fingers through the soft, ebony locks. She tilted her head back towards him and let out a sigh, relaxing into his touch. “As I recall, you started it.” She could hear the smirk in his voice.

“Well, as _I_ recall, _you_ started it, back in the Fire Nation” she cocked her eyebrow toward him. “I just picked up where we left off.”

He scoffed, “Semantics, semantics.” He leaned down to kiss her forehead and continued to pull grass from her hair for another few minutes. Finally, he let her tresses fall freely. “There, that’s most of it, I think. You have so much hair now, it’s hard to tell.”

He was right. The hormones from pregnancy had made her hair softer and healthier. She’d always had fairly long hair—to her shoulder blades when down–but it had grown so fast that Toph had eventually forgone getting it cut altogether. Now it was halfway down her back and thicker than ever. She loved how smooth and beautiful it felt, yet managing the tangled mass was its own chore. She missed the simplicity of her shorter style.

She remembered the tea then, pouring a cup for each of them. He took his, leaning back against the table. She sat back in her chair and let the warm tendrils of steam caress her nose. As she took a sip, the warmth of the tea washed over her, and she suddenly realized how exhausted she was. Besides the hour-long nap she’d snuck in on the airship home, she’d been up since this time yesterday. She felt the fatigue settle into her bones.

He sighed. She sensed the gravity of his demeanor change. He crouched down in front of her and took her hands. “Toph, what are we going to do?” His tone was very serious.

She smiled down at him. “Well I don’t know about you, but I’m going to finish my tea and head to bed while Lin is still asleep.”

He sighed again, exasperated this time, “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

“I know what you meant, Sokka. But we both desperately need some sleep, and we just got Lin down. You know it will only last for so long. We can always talk about this when she’s awake; she can’t understand it.” With that, she finished her tea in one long sip and stood. He placed his cup on the table as he rose to follow her. When they got to her room, he paused in the doorway. She turned her face toward him and frowned. “Well?”

“C-can I—” he stuttered, “Can I come in?”

“Well you certainly can’t hang out on the threshold like that, so either come in or don’t.” She crawled to the inside of the bed and left a space beside her, gesturing casually. Hesitantly, he crossed the floor to her bedside and sat down next to her on the mattress. She waited for him to lie down, but he just sat there, rigid. She sighed, “Stop being so weird. Just lie down and go to sleep.”

He sat for another moment, then nodded. “Right, sleep. I need to sleep.”

“You do,” she soothed, gently tugging the fabric on his shirt to pull him prone. He didn’t resist as she pulled him down next to her and threw a blanket over them. “Sleep well. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.” He slowly wrapped his arms around her, and she buried her face into his chest. She could still feel a lot of tension in his muscles. Exasperated and exhausted, she huffed, “Or we should talk about it now.”

“I’m sorry!” he said, laughing to himself as he sensed her annoyance. “I do want to sleep. I need to, really. I just…doesn’t this feel weird?”

She pulled away from him and grabbed his chin, doing her best to level his eyes on her own. “Sokka, we were making out in the back yard earlier. How is this any weirder?”

She smirked as she felt his heart skip a beat. “I…uhh, I don’t know, Toph. It just feels so much more…intimate,” he stammered.

She put her finger to his lips, then replaced her finger with her own lips so that their mouths were barely touching. Without pulling away, she whispered, “More intimate than this?”

He placed his hand on the small of her back, pulling their bodies together. Her arms wrapped around his neck as he rolled himself of top of her. She felt her whole body sink deeper into the bed as he deepened the kiss, pushing himself against her as tightly as he could. It was like he was trying to close the space between them that didn’t exist, like even the closest he could possibly be to her wasn’t close enough. She wondered, with a twinge of worry, if this neediness was an emotional response to everything that had happened to him over this past year. Yet deep down she knew that while, yes, this fervency was fueled in part by his many pent-up emotions, it was also just a part of who he was. He had always been so goofy and lighthearted, yet deeply passionate. He gave himself fully when he felt strongly about something, be it his work, his hobbies, or his loved ones.

Just thinking about it made her toes curl. She’d always had a thing for intense guys, but after dating many ambitious young men in her youth, she found they were often too high maintenance and temperamental. Those relationships often burnt out fast and hot, and she didn’t speak to most of them anymore. But Sokka had always been different. The way he channeled his energy was unlike anyone she’d ever met. He wasn’t an urgent, overbearing person, but he still had the tenacity that got her fired up. It was the reason their friendship had always been so strong. It was the reason she had always been attracted to him. She’d outgrown her crush on him when they were kids, especially after he was married to another of her closest friends, but she’d never been able to deny that he was one of the most magnetic people she had the pleasure of spending time with. So to have him here like this, without having to feel any guilt, was an indulgence she never expected to partake in. It was quite literally a dream come true.

She didn’t realize that she was half asleep until the brush of fingertips against the skin of her upper thigh sent a warm shock through her body, waking her again. He’d inched the hem of her night gown up far enough to slip his hand underneath it. She gasped reflexively and pulled away from the kiss. The hand snapped away.

“I’m so sorry! Aww, damn…I-I didn’t mean…I shouldn’t have…I really wasn’t—” he pulled away from her sharply.

Her hand shot out and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him back in slowly. She moved her hands to find his lips, then tenderly brought them to hers. “Sokka, it’s okay. I was a little startled, but mostly because I didn’t realize I was dozing off. Trust me when I say I would really like to continue this, but I’d like it even more if I was fully cognizant.” She kissed him again, cupping his face in her hand. “Maybe we can put a rain check on it?”

“Yeah,” he breathed. “Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.”

She smiled at him. “Good. Now go the hell to sleep.”

She rolled over, wrapping his arm around her as she pulled herself into a little ball. He was no longer rigid, pulling her to him and holding her tightly. He rested his head just behind hers so that his chin was resting on her shoulder. The heat of his breath in her ear ignited a fire in the pit of her stomach that radiated outward into her limbs. “Goodnight,” he whispered. “Sweet dreams.”

* * *

 

The sun was blazing hot, and she was happy to be tucked away on a shady ledge, partially submerged in the cool water. She could hear Katara and Aang splashing in the distance, sparring at the far end of the quarry. By the sounds of it, he was getting his ass kicked. Again.

Sokka and Suki were at the top of the cliffs just off to her left. Beyond the ledge where she was seated, the water grew deeper and deeper until it was so deep that you couldn’t see the bottom. That’s what Sokka had said, at least, before challenging Suki to a race up the cliffs. They were going to jump off. It was too hot for Toph to even think about exerting energy. Instead, she opted to relax on the sidelines, one fist bent securely into the earth of the ledge while she listened to her friends enjoying themselves in the water.

 _You lost, Sokka. You have to jump first!_ She could hear Suki’s voice echo through the old quarry.

 _Ugh, okay. Fine!_ Even his breathless panting echoed here. She heard his feet slapping against the stone of the cliff, and then he shouted _Look out below!_ After a few seconds, he hit the water. Never a very graceful diver, he made a huge splash.

He landed closer than Toph had expected, and she ended up getting soaked. When she heard him resurface, she turned to face his direction, scowling. _Hey, Meathead, could you maybe have aimed anywhere but near me?_ she chastised as she pushed the wet hair out of her face with one hand.

He shook the water out of his ears, spraying her with the droplets from his hair. _Well, I told you to look out._ She barely got the chance to glare before he corrected himself. _Oh, right. Sorry. But c’mon Toph, don’t be such a spoil sport. It’s refreshing!_ He splashed her again.

 _Stop it!_ she skipped a rock in his direction, but she heard it sink into the water with no cry to indicate he’d been hit. _I’m just fine here. I’m having a good enough time, how am I a spoil sport?_  

She heard him swimming toward her, and soon enough could feel as he rested his arms on the ledge. There was a pout to his voice as he said _Because we want to actually spend time with you. Come swim with us._ She felt him hold his hand out toward her.

 _No thanks, I’m not interested,_ she scoffed. _You guys are more than welcome to come join me over here, but I don’t swim._

 _I_ _think you mean you can’t swim._ She knew that tone. He was trying to provoke her. He knew exactly how to get under her skin.

It worked. She felt her face flush hot and she turned she looked down into her lap, hoping to hide the heat in her cheeks. _Because I don’t want to. I don’t like when I can’t see._

 _I know._ He took her hand gently in his. _But don’t you think you should learn sometime? Being blind doesn’t mean you have to be helpless in the water. You don’t have to be afraid._ She wanted to protest that she was not afraid, but he knew her better than that. He’d know it was a lie. He gave her hand a little tug. She slowly took her released her fist from the ledge and lowered herself into the water. He pulled her out into the water as far as her arm would stretch, but she kept hold of the ledge. _Let go, I’m right here._

She heard a small splash in the distance, then moments later, _Let go, Toph! He’s got you!_ Suki’s voice echoed off every wall of the canyon. Toph took a deep breath, then let go of the ledge and threw her arm around Sokka’s neck in one fell swoop. She tried to hide the fact that she was crying by burying her face into his chest. _See? He’s got you!_ Suki shouted. _It’s going to be okay._

* * *

 

The voice echoed in her mind as she slowly became aware that she was not in fact in the water, but in bed. However, the part where she was clinging to Sokka’s chest and crying had not faded back to her memory with the rest of the dream. That part was very real. She worked to get her breathing under control, and came to realize that he was also awake, watching her.

“How long have you been up?” she croaked.

“Oh, an hour or so. Lin woke me up and needed to be changed. I managed to get her back to sleep without waking you.” He wiped a tear from her eye and pushed the hair back out of her face. “I tried to get back to sleep, but you started mumbling. It sounded like it might be another nightmare. I didn’t know what to do, so I figured if I just held you, it might help.”

She nodded and let out a breathy laugh. “Thank you. It wasn’t really a nightmare, though.”

“Then what were you dreaming about?” She could hear the confusion in his voice. “Why are you crying?”

She cleared her throat, trying to banish the remnants of sleep and tears. “Do you remember when you taught me how to swim?”

“Oh yeah, on family vacation after the Ten Years celebration,” he chuckled. “You were dreaming about learning how to swim, and crying?” She punched him lightly in the shoulder.

“I was terrified, Sokka.”

“I know,” he said tenderly. “I have seen you take a full fleet of airships with a smirk, but I have never seen you as afraid as you were in that quarry.” He started running his fingers through her hair.

“Yes, but you were persistent. And encouraging. And Suki was…” her voice broke again, and she cursed herself internally. The tears had snuck up on her in this still-sleepy state.

That’s all he needed to make sense of the situation. “You had another dream about Suki.” It wasn’t a question as he pulled her closer, kissing her temple as she laid her head in the crook of his neck.

“Yeah. She was just…” It was hard to her to find the words. Partially because she was still sifting through her sleepy daze, and partially because she didn’t usually talk about these things. She didn’t really have the words to do so. “I miss her. Many of my most important memories include her. And I hate that I can’t remember how her voice sounded like unless I’m dreaming…” She broke down then. It only lasted a few moments, but she just let the pain tear through her in the same way she had been avoiding for almost a year. He held her close and stroked her hair, making soft, soothing noises in her ear. She let out the last of her body-quaking sobs and heaved a heavy sigh.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she replied, “I’m okay.” Suki’s voice came back to her then, ever so quiet at the back of her mind. “It’s going to be okay.”


End file.
